One Step at a Time

I have such a hard time with this. A situation arises and I think of every "what if" for the next five years. I get so far ahead of myself that I completely freak myself out and give up on things entirely because they have the potential to not turn out the way I hope they will.

And I'm praying and asking the Lord for help and telling Him I'm anxious and I hear, "So what?... What if the end result isn't what you think it will be? Will it change who I am? Will it change our relationship? Will I cease to be God? Will I cease to be good? Will I not be with you no matter what?"

Deep breath. Eyes shut tight. Hands open. I shake my head. "No Lord. You will never leave me nor forsake me. You will withhold no good thing, you are God and you are good, I can trust you."

And it's not that He's distant or doesn't care about the things that concern my heart, big and small, but that the end goal isn't all these things that keep me up at night...the end goal is Him.

His mercies are new every morning. I have been given the grace for today, the grace for this step. He will meet me at the next one with all that I need, I can trust Him.

So I'm learning to take steps, one at a time, with more concern about who is holding my hand as I climb then where we'll end up. Staying in the moment. Looking for God's heart, the stroke of his paintbrush, the faithful sting of his scalpel as He takes me forward, one step at a time.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase" Martin Luther King Jr.

Let's See How I Did...2014 in Review

Below is my post from last years' resolutions, in bold is how I did, not too shabby! I am really grateful for God's faithfulness in this crazy, exciting, painful, filled with the unexpected, year. 

14 Resolutions for 2014
1) Don't eat chocolate! Unless..it's in my protein bars (because let's face it, that's all I eat.) OR someone makes me baked goods with chocolate in them (then I'll just eat one and give the rest away when that wonderful person is gone) I think I made it about 6 months with one....Man, do I LOVE chocolate! 

2) Be grateful This was one of the great themes of this year, God teaching me to rejoice in all things. It's so so hard but so so beautiful and life giving! 

3) Wait on the lord with joy and expectation (rather than with complaining like I usually do) God gave me a lot of waiting opportunities this year and it was HARD! I wish I could say I did it all with joy but there were a lot of ups and downs, tears and desperate crying out. I will say though that in those hard places I felt God's presence more than ever before and that has indeed brought me great joy. Psalm 16:11

4) Don't get on an airplane... this one might be tough but I think it would be glorious! I did it!! It has been more than a year since I have gotten on an airplane. Not traveling as much this year (I managed a couple road trips!) has helped me invest more fully in my community and I am so grateful for the relationships that have been built this year. 

5) Be brave! Say what you want to say! Wow, did I ever nail this one! I have never been so brave in all my life. I made a lot of hard decisions this year. I had a lot of hard conversations. I almost got a tattoo (that counts right?!). Wore my heart on my sleeve. Asked people for forgiveness. Offered forgiveness. Quit my job. Took on a new job. Pondered a new career. Drove to Colorado in the snow by myself (gasp!). Loved recklessly. Dug into the hard and dark places of my past to seek healing. Prayed outrageous prayers. Learned to wait quietly on the Lord (fewer things are more brave than ceasing to strive and letting God take over...fewer things will prove more rewarding) Being brave is hard and scary and that's the whole point. I am grateful for God's leading and faithfulness as He called me to do hard things this year. 

6) Make new friends Numbers 4,5 and 7 all helped with this one. I did in fact make new friends this year. Not only did I make new friendships that have been life changing, I was able to go deeper with the friends I already had and for all of these relationships I am so grateful. 

7) Slow down, in every aspect of life, I need to slow down. Quitting my job helped with this one, suddenly I had nights and weekends free and was able to really engage. Engage more with the Lord and family and friends. It's so easy to hide behind busyness and I was incredibly guilty of this, but this year I slowed down and faced a lot of hard things I had been avoiding and I am so glad that I did. Slowing down also gave me time to read more books and binge watch way too many shows on hulu, but both of those are cheaper than therapy and have better consequences than hanging out in bars all night. 

8) Learn how to use that super fancy camera I saved for months to buy... I'm getting there! I did a few photo shoots, took a class and even took a couple of trips to learn how to use my camera, it's been fun and I can't wait to learn more! 

9) Decorate my room My room looks awesome!!! The walls are decorated, I have a cozy chair next to my bookshelf, it's perfect :) 

10) Drink more water (I don't know, I'm running out of ideas here...) I have no idea how I did on this one, I've always been pretty good at drinking water, this was a total cheater resolution ;) 

11) Remember. Remember God's faithfulness. Remember God's word. Remember His love for me. Remember lessons I've learned so I don't have to learn them again. Remember names and faces. This one really came in handy this year, with all the uncertainty and heartache that this year held, remembering God's past faithfulness was my anchor. Again, not something I did perfectly but I am encouraged even now that God had spoken this to my heart at the start of the year, He knows what we need. 

12) Take in the seemingly insignificant moments, the beauty of everyday life, the joy of just being.
I think all my instagram photos of sunsets and snuggles are proof enough of this. God has filled my life with so much joy and beauty and I am thankful that He has helped me see it. 

13) Be kind, even when I don't feel like it, even when people don't deserve it...because I have been given everything in Christ, may I learn to be kind and gracious to others. This one is hard to assess, but I know I learned a lot about kindness and grace and repentance when I didn't quite hit the mark. 

14) Last but certainly not least, may each breathe and step I take be for Jesus and when I willingly go my own way may I respond to His gentle correction and follow the path of my Savior. He is always good and always faithful, may my life reflect my belief in those words. Again, I truly hope this is true of me but there's no real way to know. I know I've had to repent a lot this year but I think that reflects Christ too. I'm so grateful for His grace and the grace shown to me by others, for this painfully beautiful season that has brought with it growth and a greater knowledge of God's presence and goodness. 

"For since the beginning of the world we have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides you, who acts for the one who waits for Him." Isaiah 64:4



This year has been REALLY hard. There has been a lot of loss and heartache. There has also been great reward. Relationships restored. New adventures. Learning to love more deeply. An awareness of God's presence I had yet to experience. A sense of peace in the midst of chaos. A growing belief in the goodness and withness (I know it's not a word!) of God. I am hopeful and excited as we welcome 2015 and grateful to let go of with glad surrender this year while at the same time clinging onto the goodness of God's faithfulness in 2014.

Happy New Year Friends! 

My beautiful niece's birthday party! 

A relationship restored and made so beautiful! 

My Dad and I. Nothing helps grow your relationship like a little friendly competition!

New Friends!

Old friends whom I have grown to love even more

This lil' nutcake brings me SO much joy all year long!

Sunsets and camera skills

A wild and crazy road trip to Colorado!

My sister and my best friend on a fun family road trip

And here's my verse for the new year; "As for God, His way is perfect, the Lord's word is flawless. He shields all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord and who is the rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer. He causes me to stand on heights." Psalm 18:30-33

His Way is Perfect

Remember that month where you suffered a loss in relationship, your roommate had emergency surgery, your car broke down, your sister fell and wound up in the ER, your stepmom lost her job, you lost your wallet only to find it later with everything missing including your Golden Spoon stamp card (are there no decent people left in the world??!), BOTH your Grandma's were in the hospital, you drove to Colorado for rest and refuge but had to pull off the highway because the first snow of the year came hard in the middle of your drive and because your wallet was stolen you had no way to pay for your hotel room and had to call your Dad? Yea...

We've all had months like this, where NOTHING seems to go our way. Some are much harder than this, and some seem to last all year. We live in a broken and fallen world. We are broken people. We take on too much and can't keep up. We carry the burdens of others sometimes forgetting ourselves. We stumble and fall and make bad choices. And confusion and heartache seem to reign.

And then... the miracle. NOTHING changes. But God. Immanuel, God with us. Somewhere in the chaos and crying out you hear Him, that still, small voice "I am with you". Somewhere in the blinding, blur you see Him, wide arms ready to embrace you. Joy, trust, peace, even laughter take over your heart, your mind, and you fall back into His arms.

We were not promised easy, we were not promised a life without pain or trials, the opposite is actually true. But He promised He'd be with us. If you can stop, for even a second in the swirling chaos and listen, you'll hear Him, you will know that He is ever present and faithful. He will deliver you, He will not leave you. He will be strong for you. He will comfort, protect and provide for you.

I stood in the middle of Arches National Park (a place you MUST go if you can!) with large rock formations surrounding me on every side. On my way to Colorado to visit friends, I made the ridiculously long drive by myself on purpose. I wanted time to hear Him, to pray and share my heart with the One who created it. I wanted space and quiet and beauty and didn't really want to share it with anyone but Jesus. And truth be told, I wanted to be able to pee whenever I wanted and sing along with N'Sync at the top of my lungs without bothering another human.

I was so overwhelmed by the beauty of the park, I almost forgot to stop and listen to the One who created it. I came down a steep rock pathway and looked up at the daunting structure in front of me and said, "God, what do you want to say to me?" And He spoke the words of Psalm 18 to my heart, "I will make your feet like the feet of a deer, and cause you to stand on heights. With Me, you can scale a wall. Who is God besides me and who is the Rock except our God? As for Me, My way is perfect, my word is flawless." And His words like fresh water in a dry and weary land refreshed and strengthened me and reminded me that He was, indeed, with me.

It took three days but I finally reached my destination, the home of dear friends who offered me a place of Refuge for the week, opening their hearts and their home to me. On my bed was a red envelope, actual mail! My sweet friend had sent me mail all the way in Colorado! She wrote beautiful words from her own heart, words of love and affirmation and on the backside wrote these verses;

  "As for God, his way is perfect: the Lord's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he causes me to stand on heights." 2 Samuel 22:31-34

And more laughter and joy and awareness of His presence, His faithfulness and goodness towards me.  And though my flesh and my heart may fail as for my God, my Rock and my Refuge...His way is perfect.

The Potter

The last few weeks have been so full of emotions, unknowns, answers, heartache and rejoicing, I hardly know which way is up anymore. I don't feel defeated or down necessarily, I guess I just sort of feel neutral, like all my emotions are cancelling each other out.

I've been processing how to know God's will or that He's present or good. I have found myself sort of drifting through my circumstances uncertain of how to answer those questions. Uncertain of how to pray, what to ask for or if I would be heard when I asked.

I'm not ungrateful or without faith but things aren't the same as they were. And I suppose that's a good thing, that God, not intending to leave me where I was at, has me right where He wants me, not in an assassin sniper way, but in the way a loving Father leads his daughter so she can grow, so she can depend on Him more and trust in Him. There are always new depths of love with God. We think we get it, that we've "arrived" or somehow know Him in His fullness but there's always more. His vehicles for getting us there, to a place of knowing these new depths are often not what we would choose, sometimes they are, sometimes we are brought to His heart through intense joy and the culmination of our dreams. Sometimes we are brought through uncertainty and excruciating pain. How the Potter chooses to shape the clay is up to Him, He chooses the tools, He knows the finished product and we are either willfully submitting to Him or fighting against Him. I guess I do both. I know the way that leads to life is in bending my will to His. I know (at least in my head) that He IS love and acts in love towards me even when it feels like torture.

There is something to be said for surviving the pain. For enduring with the Lord and coming out on the other side with Him. It's like any relationship, when you go through something traumatic together, it often draws you closer. You realize how much you need that person, how grateful you are for them and are convinced that you could survive anything together. I tend to forget that at first, I ask questions like "are you there? are you real? am I being punished or forgotten?" Maybe it's because we can't see Him that we are more likely to question Him. While I am sure that He is more present, more compassionate, more loving than anyone on earth, it can be easier to believe of those I can see and feel in the flesh.

But I do see Him. I see Him in the sunsets and crashing waves. I feel Him in the embrace of my loved ones or a gentle breeze on my face. He is here and He is who He says He is. He is love. So in this moment, I am choosing to trust, to bend to and rest in the will of the Father. And I pray that I will have the faith to choose it again in the next moment not just out of submission because, after all He's God, but in hope of what God is doing and will do through this unexpected flurry of circumstances which I would never have chosen but have to believe are in fact working towards my good and the good of others and for His glory.

"Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?" John 11:40

Where I've Been Hiding

If you know me, you probably didn't know I was hiding. You could reach me by cell, email or just pop over, you knew where to find me. But I've been hiding. I've been hiding behind work and busyness. It's amazing what you can avoid by being busy.

I have deep insecurities. Most people don't see it, they see a confident, brave woman. And in some senses they're right. I believe we are all in some ways walking contradictions. I often overcome my fears but they are fears all the same. Sometimes the anxiety is so intense it's paralyzing. So I learned to cope, I coped by staying busy. If I'm busy I can avoid my feelings, I can avoid forming relationships that could lead to rejection, I can avoid taking risks because I simply don't have the time.

A month ago I took on a fourth job. This job was an answer to prayer as I had wanted to leave my restaurant job but needed another source of income if that was to be the case. But I didn't quit the restaurant job. I decided to keep all four jobs because in some sense I find my identity in what I do and because the busier I am the less I have to deal with my glaring insecurity.

I knew God had given me this new job, I knew I wasn't trusting him by hanging onto my restaurant job but I was scared. Scared of letting go, scared of how my finances would be impacted, scared of having time to face all the things I've been avoiding. Scared to come out of hiding.

But this week the Lord made two things clear to me; there are relationships I need to be open to and some I need to be healed in and there are dreams I need to dare to pursue, even if I fail. I am not the sum of what I do or even the sum of who loves me or doesn't. My worth is found in Christ alone but I am in fact worthy.

So today, I put on my girl pants, asked the Lord for strength and quit my job. I quit my job to open myself up to possibilities. The possibility of more joy and inevitably more pain but in the end, the possibility of more.

Sand Angels

The ocean is my place. When I feel overwhelmed or scared or anything at all...I go to the ocean.

Not only is it one of the most naturally beautiful places, it is one of the most powerful. 

I stand on the shoreline and feel very small, but in a good way. I know that the God who created the oceans, these bodies of waters that extend further than the eye can see, is powerful and mighty. I know that the God who tells the waves where to stop is as much in control of my life. My perspective shifts almost immediately and I am aware of God's faithful presence. 

The other day I took one of these trips to the ocean and witnessed a scene that spoke volumes to my heart. There was a little girl, about three or four years old, running. She was running fast and as her body gained momentum her feet eventually overtook her head and she flew head first into the sand. And then, she did the most remarkable thing...her sweet little sand covered face broke into the biggest smile and she began to giggle, she spread our her arms and legs and began to make sand angels. She didn't cry or grumble, she fell hard and turned a moment that could have been devastating into a moment that was joy-filled and life giving. 

I had come to the shores that day to bring my cares to the Lord, to ask Him to help me see that He is greater and that He is in control and how I longed in that moment to be like that little girl carefree and trusting, taking joy even as I trip and fall and try to find my way, knowing that even the hard falls can bring life and beauty. 

Have you made any sand angels lately? Where is God asking you to simply trust Him in the midst of trial? To trust and even embrace the sandy, painful places of life? 

"Their soul fainted in them. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses. And he led them forth by the right way, that they might go to a city for a dwelling place. Oh that men would give thanks to the Lord for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! For he satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness." Psalm 107:5-9

Is This Really The Goal?

Is this really the goal?

This blog post is a response to this article about modesty which was published in World Magazine. You should start by reading the article first, then my thoughts below. 

I have to believe that the heart of the woman writing this article is one of love but sadly I think she completely misses the point in addressing the issue of modesty.  In her final words of the article she admonishes Christian women to “modesty” and to teach the younger women to do likewise. Her goal: “to deter sin”. “So even though women and teenage girls can show little or no flesh and still be the object of lust, Christian women should do their part, even in this age of political correctness, to deter sin by dressing modestly and encouraging their younger sisters in Christ to do likewise.” 

The longer I walk with Jesus the more I realize that sin deterrence is a man-made goal that is accomplished most often in our own flesh. I’m also mindful of how sad and hopeless life would be if “sin deterrence” were the goal.

There are so many important aspects of this article that miss the mark or are simply ignored.

First, we cannot make modesty a women’s issue only…it’s NOT! Men need to be challenged in the same way unless all the women of the world would like to stand up right now and say they’ve never been attracted to a shirtless man…oh, no one wants to stand up? If we’re going to talk about modesty we have to address both genders.

Second, the author says this statement which I can hardly fathom she would believe if she actually knew any teenage girls, “While it’s true that teenage girls are well aware of their power of attractiveness…” Do you know what teenage girls are aware of? How inadequate they are and always will be. Trust me, even the most beautiful girls in the world are still thinking they are not enough. What if we spent our time teaching young women about their infinite value and worth and who they are in Christ rather than all the things they are not to do or be?

Third, how about we be excited that these young women (and I’m assuming men too) are out doing healthy activities with other kids who are trying to make good choices rather than critique their every move? One thing that’s sure to drive the youth out of our churches is coming to them with a heart of judgment. I’m assuming you didn’t come to Christ perfect because then what would be your need for him and if that’s true than you have issues too, they might just not be so obvious.

Lastly, let’s not let those these “short-shorted girls” may have “caused” to stumble off so easily. We all make our choices; we choose what we look at and how we look at people. I once asked a pastor that I work with and greatly respect about whether or not an image we were using for our ministry would cause men to stumble and he said, “Jen, men see what they want to see, they are responsible for what they look at and what they do with that image.” I am not trying to be insensitive here, I get that we need to help each other I do, but I think we need to deal with the heart issues rather than a list of rules that “deter sin”. God has called us to freedom and abundant life not to simply narrowly escape sin. For a great perspective from a man on this topic click here As this author states we hinder ourselves from arriving at real biblical solutions when we believe this notion, “  It is the notion that all men lust, hopelessly and helplessly.”

Where are our hearts at and what are we teaching our youth? Are we looking at them with love and compassion or with judgment and condemnation? Are we teaching them who they are in Christ and the infinite value they have that they might walk in confidence in Christ and also value others in the same way? It is true that Jesus said, “if you love me, you’ll obey my commandments.” Do you know what the first and most important commandment is according to Jesus? To love God.  It’s not a long list of rules that somehow make us more Christian than others if we can manage to follow them (which we can’t).  We love because God first loved us, it’s love not condemnation that births in us a desire to obey God. It’s kindness that leads us to repentance. Writing an article in a Christian magazine that makes judgment on a group of young Christian women and their families is not likely to lead to more obedience or repentance. Let’s look at it this way, this woman saw these girls and judged them based on what they were wearing, she “expected more of them”. Let’s turn that on ourselves for a minute and say I’m a Christian from the projects in the inner city and I just arrived at a church in the suburbs. In the parking lot I see BMWs, Mercedes, nice trucks, old vintage cars. My first thought is, “obviously these people don’t really want to honor God because if they did they would listen to all of His teaching about caring for the poor and giving up all that you have to follow Him. Clearly these believers are caught up in materialism and aren’t honoring God.” How are we feeling now? Defensive of ourselves and those we love?  Sure that if they only knew our hearts they would see how much we genuinely love God and others? My point is that whatever the issue is, I don’t believe God would use shame and condemnation to lead us to obedience, to lead us to His heart. Let’s also consider that while we may have “mastered modesty” we are seriously lacking in other areas because we are human. There has to be room for growth no matter how long we’ve walked with the Lord, who our parents are or what church we go to… no one has it altogether. What if we just rejoiced that teenagers were showing up for church at all, were wearing shirts that represented Jesus (do you know how many adults would NEVER wear a Jesus t-shirt for fear of persecution???). I’ve never seen a perfect person in a church, I’ve never seen a perfect person wearing a Christian shirt or a cross necklace and I’ve never thought they weren’t worthy of Christ because of their imperfection. It’s our imperfection that Christ came for, that He died for and conquered with the resurrection.

I wholeheartedly believe in teaching modesty but not from a place of fear or shame or legalism but one of love. We dress modestly because we are convinced of our intrinsic worth and are not seeking validation elsewhere, we dress modestly because we love others and would never want to be a stumbling block to a brother or sister. We, men and women, choose to honor ourselves, one another and the Lord with all that we are because we love Him and we recognize His deep, unfailing, unchanging love for us. 

The burden of hope

It wasn't so much the things she said as it was the look on her face. As I said the words her face crumpled and her eyes shown with desperation. I knew that face or at least I recognized the emotions behind it. I have felt them so many times myself. You know that moment when you almost have enough hope to believe that you are redeemable but the weight of your sin seems insurmountable? You feel unworthy of unmerited favor, you feel like it's probably available for others but not for you, it couldn't possibly be true for you. You're too far gone, your sin is somehow greater than everyone else's, if they only knew all that you had done they wouldn't be speaking such ill-fitted words of fantasy to you, words of...hope.

Why is hope so daunting? Perhaps it's easier to stay in our sin than to face the possibility that we'll fail again. Because if I receive grace and then slap it in the face I prove to be more unworthy than at the start and I cannot bear to feel more unworthy.

And can there really be a God so full of love that He can forgive me over and over again? That he can overlook my failings? Images of a bride dressed in white, clothed by her maker, in His righteousness, swirl in my head and I can't help but see the stains all over her and...what if others can see them too? What if they know how weak I am? What if they see my rebellious heart that has chosen the stains over the pure white gown time and time again? At the very least THEY will know that I am unworthy.

If I knew what the answer was to overcome this, to never have to make that face again or see it on another, I'd put it into practice today, this moment. But... I don't. What I do know is that every time I feel that way, God meets me there. He doesn't meet me with a shaking fist and a scowling face but He meets me with warmth, with open arms, with grace that covers me like a cloak. Grace that covers me. Covers my sin, covers my doubts, covers my fears, covers my shame. Again and again and again... He whispers words of promise over me, "those who know my name will put their trust in me, for I, the Lord, have not forsaken those who seek me" (psalm 9:10). He reminds of a beautiful truth penned by C.S. Lewis, "...the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and, therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him."  He takes the burden and places it on Himself, wrapping me in a beautiful garment of His righteousness where grace and justice wildly intersect making the unclean clean and the desperate filled...with hope.

"I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God: for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, he has covered me with the robe of righteousness..." Isaiah 61:10a

The Burden of Hope, Part 2

This woman's face was a reflection of my own. In her I saw that though I know Jesus I often times don't identify with Him. What He has made clear from His word is that I am his daughter, I am beloved, I am chosen. I am all of those things not because of what I've done but because of what Jesus has done for me. He loved me before the foundations of the world. He knew what my failings and shortcomings would be and chose then to love me and then to give his life for mine. I so often give in to the temptation of believing that my identity is based on what I do rather than on who God says I am. So then when I fail, I somehow feel less than, not quite as righteous or accepted. But Jesus' righteousness covers me and He is never "less righteous" or "less accepted". So I can move forward in joy and freedom, knowing that God is transforming me into His image but not so that He can somehow love me more. He made the greatest demonstration of love that can be made by giving up his life for mine.

I know all this seems simple and basic but it's a place where my heart struggles and needs constant reminders. I pray that as I gain my footing in these truths, others will see that they are true as well.

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." John 15:13

"Don't give up on us."

"Don't give up on us!" Those words hurriedly exclaimed as we walked away from M several weeks ago impacted me so much that I actually wrote them down next to her name where I take weekly notes. When we approached her tonight she was walking away from us, we called after her and when she realized who we were she walked towards us almost as if she couldn't help herself,  as if she was being drawn in.

"I remember you, you prayed with me and everything began to change," she said as tears filled her eyes. She began to tell us the steps she had made towards getting out of the Game for good and how she hadn't been out in weeks until tonight... She asked that we pray for her, that this truly would be her last night. We offered to take her with us but she said it wasn't safe then because her pimp was watching her and would come after her.

We exchanged numbers and assured her that we willing to be a part of the process with her as she continued to make steps towards freedom. She left us with the same plea as last time, "please keep praying and...don't give up on us."

Those five words are so simple yet so powerful. How many times in a day do I want to give up?
It would be embarrassing to say, but the truth is sometimes the battle seems too great and I feel so small. And then I think about how often I say those same words to God, "don't give up on me.I know I'm making the same mistakes over and over, I know I'm putting my trust in worldly things, I know I'm choosing my way over yours.... but please, don't give up on me." And He doesn't. He remains steadfast, immoveable. He loves without condition. He pursues relentlessly, He corrects with gentleness again and again. He comforts me. Teaches me. Waits patiently for me. He never gives up.

And though I look at the women we meet on Friday nights; the circumstances they find themselves in, the lies they have believed, the overwhelming destruction and sense of hopelessness and in my flesh I want to give up, by the power of God's Spirit I am able to press on and love as I ought to love...as my Savior has loved me.  And when I am overwhelmed and it looks like evil is winning and the battle rages on... I remember my Savior, the One who has overcome the grave, the One who has conquered sin and death, the One who is alive, the One who has made a way and desires that none should perish but that all should have everlasting life. I remember that it is He who is fighting this battle, it is He who sets the captives free, it is He who makes beauty from ashes.

I know that you who are reading this are in the midst of a battle too (whether you know it or not is a subject for another blog) and sometimes you feel like you will never overcome and you simply want to give up. Don't. But DO, run to the one who HAS overcome, run to Him and rest in Him. He has called you to this place, in this time, for His purposes. He will carry you through to victory which you already have in Him. In those moments when you feel like you're not enough (be assured that you aren't) trust in the one who is, who lives in you and loves through you.

And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"Don't give up on us." M, a young woman enslaved to prostitution and seeking freedom