Not To Drown You

Immediately Jesus made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side, while He sent the multitudes away. And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there. But the boat was now in the middle of the sea, tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary. Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out for fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”

And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.

Then those who were in the boat came and worshiped Him, saying, “Truly You are the Son of God.”

When they had crossed over, they came to the land of Gennesaret. And when the men of that place recognized Him, they sent out into all that surrounding region, brought to Him all who were sick, and begged Him that they might only touch the hem of His garment. And as many as touched it were made perfectly well. Matthew 14:22-36

The focal point of this story is usually Peter walking on water. Which, I will admit, is pretty awesome and worth paying attention to. But there are some incredible truths sandwiching that miracle that we ought to take notice of.

Did anyone notice that Jesus sent his disciples without him into a terrible storm???  We've all been there before, we've heard the voice of the Lord and obeyed, only to find ourselves in the midst of chaos and pain. And we ask ourselves, if He knew there would be a storm why not have them go later or not at all? And why on earth would he not go with them??? It's hard for us to wrap our minds around God sending us into harms way. We don't want to believe that God would put us in a place of trial and affliction. And it's a fine theological line to walk but I think we have proof enough here that there are times that he will in fact send us right into the middle of a storm.


And that truth without the rest of the story would be a tough pill to swallow indeed. But, there's more....

How powerful those words are, "When they had crossed over..." Yes, he sent them into the storm and it was scary and it was difficult and they feared for their lives. But, as he is known to do, he showed up. He delivered them and many more as they reached the other side.

I don't know what stormy sea you might find yourself in the middle of right now but I know one thing for sure, though you may be tossed about and surrounded by fog unable to see, God who sent you there, did not do so with the intention of drowning you.

It will be a difficult journey and just when you want to give up, He'll ask you to trust Him even more and call you out on the waters but, you. will. not. drown.

So when you arrive at Gennesaret, whose original name means "garden of riches" you can expect great things, like the healings of multitudes. As we so often find that our trials are meant not only to birth new life in us but in those around us as well.

I know you can't see him, and are painfully aware that he sent you out BEFORE him into a most difficult circumstance but you can be sure that he will come and that he will deliver you. You can trust him, know that he is good and cling to him. Just as the disciples did, cry out to him and as Peter did, fix your gaze on him.

It's easy to think God is absent or uncaring when all we see are crashing waves. But He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. Present, on time, loving, faithful. Dear one, He did not call you out to drown you. He will come. He will get you to other side. And then...the miracle. Hold on, keep your eyes on Him and wait expectantly.

He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.        
 Psalm 18:19

One Thousand Gifts

"Eucharist (thanksgiving) is the state of the perfect man. Eucharist is the life of paradise. Eucharist is the only full and real response of man to God's creation, redemption and the gift of heaven." 'He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God.' Psalm 50:23 Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis. But it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning "joy"...so then as long as thanks is possible...joy is always possible. Eucharisteo-thanksgiving-always precedes the miracle."

I'm really loving this book (One Thousand Gifts). It is the culmination of a message the Lord has been speaking, perhaps shouting, to my heart over the last several months, "the fullness of life is found in thanksgiving". 

In response to this message I have started my own list of 1,000 gifts, 1,000 blessings and reasons to give thanks. From the sunset to a cup of tea, to a gentle breeze, I'm purposing to take notice of God's grace in the midst of my day. 

Part two...

In reading further, I discovered the author asking me to enter in with her to the hard practice of offering thanks when our hearts are broken, when we are frustrated and scared, when we don't understand the ways of our Father. Because after all, if God is gracious, is he not gracious in that which brings me, great joy as well as that which wrings my heart in agony? 
So my list is growing faster because I'm not only thankful for sunsets and snuggles but I'm choosing to be thankful for uncertainty, anxiety, disappointment. I'm choosing to rejoice always as the Scriptures tell us to trusting that as Isaiah 64 says, He will meet me there. And isn't that the fullness of joy? His presence. 

Where I've Been Hiding

If you know me, you probably didn't know I was hiding. You could reach me by cell, email or just pop over, you knew where to find me. But I've been hiding. I've been hiding behind work and busyness. It's amazing what you can avoid by being busy.

I have deep insecurities. Most people don't see it, they see a confident, brave woman. And in some senses they're right. I believe we are all in some ways walking contradictions. I often overcome my fears but they are fears all the same. Sometimes the anxiety is so intense it's paralyzing. So I learned to cope, I coped by staying busy. If I'm busy I can avoid my feelings, I can avoid forming relationships that could lead to rejection, I can avoid taking risks because I simply don't have the time.

A month ago I took on a fourth job. This job was an answer to prayer as I had wanted to leave my restaurant job but needed another source of income if that was to be the case. But I didn't quit the restaurant job. I decided to keep all four jobs because in some sense I find my identity in what I do and because the busier I am the less I have to deal with my glaring insecurity.

I knew God had given me this new job, I knew I wasn't trusting him by hanging onto my restaurant job but I was scared. Scared of letting go, scared of how my finances would be impacted, scared of having time to face all the things I've been avoiding. Scared to come out of hiding.

But this week the Lord made two things clear to me; there are relationships I need to be open to and some I need to be healed in and there are dreams I need to dare to pursue, even if I fail. I am not the sum of what I do or even the sum of who loves me or doesn't. My worth is found in Christ alone but I am in fact worthy.

So today, I put on my girl pants, asked the Lord for strength and quit my job. I quit my job to open myself up to possibilities. The possibility of more joy and inevitably more pain but in the end, the possibility of more.