Let's See How I Did...2014 in Review

Below is my post from last years' resolutions, in bold is how I did, not too shabby! I am really grateful for God's faithfulness in this crazy, exciting, painful, filled with the unexpected, year. 

14 Resolutions for 2014
1) Don't eat chocolate! Unless..it's in my protein bars (because let's face it, that's all I eat.) OR someone makes me baked goods with chocolate in them (then I'll just eat one and give the rest away when that wonderful person is gone) I think I made it about 6 months with one....Man, do I LOVE chocolate! 

2) Be grateful This was one of the great themes of this year, God teaching me to rejoice in all things. It's so so hard but so so beautiful and life giving! 

3) Wait on the lord with joy and expectation (rather than with complaining like I usually do) God gave me a lot of waiting opportunities this year and it was HARD! I wish I could say I did it all with joy but there were a lot of ups and downs, tears and desperate crying out. I will say though that in those hard places I felt God's presence more than ever before and that has indeed brought me great joy. Psalm 16:11

4) Don't get on an airplane... this one might be tough but I think it would be glorious! I did it!! It has been more than a year since I have gotten on an airplane. Not traveling as much this year (I managed a couple road trips!) has helped me invest more fully in my community and I am so grateful for the relationships that have been built this year. 

5) Be brave! Say what you want to say! Wow, did I ever nail this one! I have never been so brave in all my life. I made a lot of hard decisions this year. I had a lot of hard conversations. I almost got a tattoo (that counts right?!). Wore my heart on my sleeve. Asked people for forgiveness. Offered forgiveness. Quit my job. Took on a new job. Pondered a new career. Drove to Colorado in the snow by myself (gasp!). Loved recklessly. Dug into the hard and dark places of my past to seek healing. Prayed outrageous prayers. Learned to wait quietly on the Lord (fewer things are more brave than ceasing to strive and letting God take over...fewer things will prove more rewarding) Being brave is hard and scary and that's the whole point. I am grateful for God's leading and faithfulness as He called me to do hard things this year. 

6) Make new friends Numbers 4,5 and 7 all helped with this one. I did in fact make new friends this year. Not only did I make new friendships that have been life changing, I was able to go deeper with the friends I already had and for all of these relationships I am so grateful. 

7) Slow down, in every aspect of life, I need to slow down. Quitting my job helped with this one, suddenly I had nights and weekends free and was able to really engage. Engage more with the Lord and family and friends. It's so easy to hide behind busyness and I was incredibly guilty of this, but this year I slowed down and faced a lot of hard things I had been avoiding and I am so glad that I did. Slowing down also gave me time to read more books and binge watch way too many shows on hulu, but both of those are cheaper than therapy and have better consequences than hanging out in bars all night. 

8) Learn how to use that super fancy camera I saved for months to buy... I'm getting there! I did a few photo shoots, took a class and even took a couple of trips to learn how to use my camera, it's been fun and I can't wait to learn more! 

9) Decorate my room My room looks awesome!!! The walls are decorated, I have a cozy chair next to my bookshelf, it's perfect :) 

10) Drink more water (I don't know, I'm running out of ideas here...) I have no idea how I did on this one, I've always been pretty good at drinking water, this was a total cheater resolution ;) 

11) Remember. Remember God's faithfulness. Remember God's word. Remember His love for me. Remember lessons I've learned so I don't have to learn them again. Remember names and faces. This one really came in handy this year, with all the uncertainty and heartache that this year held, remembering God's past faithfulness was my anchor. Again, not something I did perfectly but I am encouraged even now that God had spoken this to my heart at the start of the year, He knows what we need. 

12) Take in the seemingly insignificant moments, the beauty of everyday life, the joy of just being.
I think all my instagram photos of sunsets and snuggles are proof enough of this. God has filled my life with so much joy and beauty and I am thankful that He has helped me see it. 

13) Be kind, even when I don't feel like it, even when people don't deserve it...because I have been given everything in Christ, may I learn to be kind and gracious to others. This one is hard to assess, but I know I learned a lot about kindness and grace and repentance when I didn't quite hit the mark. 

14) Last but certainly not least, may each breathe and step I take be for Jesus and when I willingly go my own way may I respond to His gentle correction and follow the path of my Savior. He is always good and always faithful, may my life reflect my belief in those words. Again, I truly hope this is true of me but there's no real way to know. I know I've had to repent a lot this year but I think that reflects Christ too. I'm so grateful for His grace and the grace shown to me by others, for this painfully beautiful season that has brought with it growth and a greater knowledge of God's presence and goodness. 

"For since the beginning of the world we have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides you, who acts for the one who waits for Him." Isaiah 64:4



This year has been REALLY hard. There has been a lot of loss and heartache. There has also been great reward. Relationships restored. New adventures. Learning to love more deeply. An awareness of God's presence I had yet to experience. A sense of peace in the midst of chaos. A growing belief in the goodness and withness (I know it's not a word!) of God. I am hopeful and excited as we welcome 2015 and grateful to let go of with glad surrender this year while at the same time clinging onto the goodness of God's faithfulness in 2014.

Happy New Year Friends! 

My beautiful niece's birthday party! 

A relationship restored and made so beautiful! 

My Dad and I. Nothing helps grow your relationship like a little friendly competition!

New Friends!

Old friends whom I have grown to love even more

This lil' nutcake brings me SO much joy all year long!

Sunsets and camera skills

A wild and crazy road trip to Colorado!

My sister and my best friend on a fun family road trip

And here's my verse for the new year; "As for God, His way is perfect, the Lord's word is flawless. He shields all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord and who is the rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer. He causes me to stand on heights." Psalm 18:30-33

Steadfast Love

I've been reading the Psalms a lot lately, especially ones about giving thanks. One common phrase I noticed is the references to the "steadfast love of the Lord". It seems that though everything else in life is like shifting sand one thing remains, the steadfast love of the Lord. The Lord will love you and demonstrate his love for you continuously, He is worthy to be praised and the one upon whom we should set our hopes.

My life has been pretty chaotic lately with a lot of ups and downs, sorrows and joys, certainty and unknowns.  There are two things I have felt the Lord speaking to my heart one is to wait on Him and the other is to give thanks.

I don't really have a lot more to say on this but His word does...

"For the word of the Lord is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness. He loves righteousness and justice and the earth is full of the steadfast love of the Lord....the counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations...the Lord looks down from heaven; He sees all the children of man from where he sits enthroned he looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth, he who fashions the hearts of them all and observes all their deeds...behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His steadfast love, that He may deliver their soul from death and keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in." Psalm 33

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so...He led them by a straight way til the reached a city to dwell in. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for His wondrous works to the children of men! For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things...He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love...He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love." Psalm 107

"From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for the one who waits for him. You meet him who joyfully works righteousness, those who remember you in your ways" Isaiah 64:4 (I know this isn't a Psalm but It's the verse the Lord gave me for this year and seems fitting here as well :) )

And finally one of my favorite songs, Psalm 145. He is worthy to be praised...

Redefining Success

I've started to write this post at least a dozen times. I feel like it's something I'm constantly faced with in this ministry. I also feel like no one else (save my teammates and those in similar ministries) will understand and so I struggle to put down in words what is so evident to my heart and mind but likely foreign to the rest of the world (ok, maybe not the WHOLE world!).

We are often asked what our success rate is in ministry. I think that means "how many people have been saved and are now radically living for Jesus, off the streets and walking in abundant life?"
To which I would reply "maybe one or two...". Then I start working on my resume and filling out job applications because apparently I'm just wasting everyone's time and need to do something else with my life, something "successful".

But God has changed my perspective and now my reply is different... now I say, "we have redefined success and we have new successes everyday." I didn't just come up with that to make all of us feel better about spending our time, money and talents on this ministry, but because I actually believe it.

As I write this my heart is grieving the choice a young woman made earlier today to leave the safe house we had brought her to and go.... well, I don't actually know where she went, but I would guess back to her pimp. She called just last night and we picked her up and took her to a safe place for the night. This morning the battle was intense and I honestly believe that she wanted to choose life but she just wasn't quite ready. And you, like me, may be really tempted to be discouraged by that story but we shouldn't be. We should see it as a great success that she held onto our number and called when she wanted help, that she took a step of faith even if it was small, that she saw that there are people who care and are willing to sacrifice to help her choose life...when she's ready.

So for us success looks like a young woman taking one of our gift bags, telling us part of her story, letting us pray for her, or calling us when she needs help. Last week I asked one of the women if what we were doing was a blessing to her. Not because I wanted her to give me a pat on the back but because I have no intention of wasting my time or hers, if we need to change how we are reaching out, I want to know. Her response was powerful. She said, "Sure it's just a gift bag and that's not what we really need, but everytime you come out here and give us one, we know that someone cares about us and that means a lot. No one cares about us, prostitutes die all the time and no one cares." And so maybe that's what success looks like, proving to someone who feels abandoned and rejected that someone actually cares and that that's not going to change.

We would love to see these women coming to Christ and leaving the streets in droves and perhaps we will someday, but for now, we have redefined success and we praise God for His faithfulness in each and every one of them. It is His work, done by His Spirit, in His time. Maybe success looks like us being faithful when we don't see the results we expect.

"Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help, Whose hope is in the LORD his God, Who made heaven and earth, The sea, and all that is in them; Who keeps truth forever, Who executes justice for the oppressed, Who gives food to the hungry. The LORD gives freedom to the prisoners.The LORD opens the eyes of the blind; The LORD raises those who are bowed down; The LORD loves the righteous. The LORD watches over the strangers; He relieves the fatherless and widow; But the way of the wicked He turns upside down. The LORD shall reign forever--Your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the LORD!" Psalm 146:5-10


*Would you keep praying for D, the young woman we were able to minister to these last 24 hours? She has tasted and seen....pray that she will return and receive life!

Gaby

"Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away."

As a Christian there are certain ways I have learned to process certain events...
Today I received news that I had no idea how to process.

Gaby was a homeless woman who lived in the bushes near the gas station down the street from my school.  Several years ago I began visiting her. I would bring her meals or snacks and pray for her. I did share the gospel with her but I don't think she could understand me. No matter what I would say she would always reply, "yes, yes" or sometimes I would get a hearty "thank you". I could never tell if she really knew what I was saying, if you knew the love that had grown in my heart for her or most importantly if she knew God's love.

Sometimes I would take my students to see her and we would bring her lunch. One of my students, feeling great compassion towards her, told her mom (also a teacher at my school) and they began visiting Gaby as well.

This morning, my student came to me and told me that Gaby had passed away. I had feared her death for so long, anxiousness overwhelming me everytime I drove by her spot at the gas station. But today my fear became a reality. Death is something I've faced before and it's always difficult. But this time... there is no way of knowing if she really knew Christ, there is no one to call and give my condolences to, no funeral...

So what can I take away from this? Tomorrow is never guaranteed. There are Gaby's everywhere, people who are alone and in great need. If I pass them by today, I have no promise that I will see them tomorrow.

God is always on mission. He purposes that we would live on mission. Who has God put in your path today? How will/did you respond?

Lord, we ask that you give us your eyes to see, your heart to love and boldness to proclaim your word to a lost and dying world. Amen.