God With Us...

That's it. That's the one thing. There are a lot of questions without answers. Questions that we desperately want answers to. And I've wrestled and I've searched and I've wept and sometimes even laughed, wanting only to have an answer.

And here's what I know. It's really hard to make sense out of most things. Karma doesn't exist. There isn't always a why or even a greater purpose. We as human beings experience incredible amounts of tragedy in our lifetime and some of it, most of it, doesn't make any sense. And it hurts. It hurts so much that sometimes we can barely breathe or get out of bed or smile at the person next to us. And all that I know is that Jesus hurts too. But he doesn't hurt from a distance, he hurts here with us. Jesus is Immanuel, God with us. The world is broken and fallen and Jesus' heart is broken with ours. And we don't have to endure it alone and we aren't without hope. Because of the brokenness Jesus came and took on death that we might live with him forever. Because our hearts would break too, Jesus came in the flesh to feel with us, to weep with us, to comfort and care for us in the darkest places so that we could hope in his presence now and into eternity. And he's there in the elated joy too, the times we feel so happy and free, he rejoices with us and hopes with us.

It feels safer to have answers. If there's a reason why, it might make the suffering worth it. But if we're honest, most of the time, there is no reason why. I hope that doesn't make you hurt even more but I hope that you see that God, the creator of all that is, in whose image you were made, loves you so much that he came and lived among us and took on flesh, to comfort you, to reconcile you, to restore you, to show you compassion and weep with you. You will never be alone. You will always be loved, always understood, always seen. Some things are clear and obviously purposeful, some things are made purposeful by our loving God, the world is not without purpose and meaning but when the answers aren't clear we can cling to what is...God is with us. And if you're like me and that's a hard thing for you to remember, when the pain is overwhelming and the questions and doubts are mounting, you might just want to tattoo it on your arm...

ps. major props to my tattoo artist Gabriel who was perfectly zen and yet so excited about this major moment in my life and said, and I quote, "time will stop when you're in that chair..." I'd get another tattoo just to hangout with that guy again ;)

His Way is Perfect

Remember that month where you suffered a loss in relationship, your roommate had emergency surgery, your car broke down, your sister fell and wound up in the ER, your stepmom lost her job, you lost your wallet only to find it later with everything missing including your Golden Spoon stamp card (are there no decent people left in the world??!), BOTH your Grandma's were in the hospital, you drove to Colorado for rest and refuge but had to pull off the highway because the first snow of the year came hard in the middle of your drive and because your wallet was stolen you had no way to pay for your hotel room and had to call your Dad? Yea...

We've all had months like this, where NOTHING seems to go our way. Some are much harder than this, and some seem to last all year. We live in a broken and fallen world. We are broken people. We take on too much and can't keep up. We carry the burdens of others sometimes forgetting ourselves. We stumble and fall and make bad choices. And confusion and heartache seem to reign.

And then... the miracle. NOTHING changes. But God. Immanuel, God with us. Somewhere in the chaos and crying out you hear Him, that still, small voice "I am with you". Somewhere in the blinding, blur you see Him, wide arms ready to embrace you. Joy, trust, peace, even laughter take over your heart, your mind, and you fall back into His arms.

We were not promised easy, we were not promised a life without pain or trials, the opposite is actually true. But He promised He'd be with us. If you can stop, for even a second in the swirling chaos and listen, you'll hear Him, you will know that He is ever present and faithful. He will deliver you, He will not leave you. He will be strong for you. He will comfort, protect and provide for you.

I stood in the middle of Arches National Park (a place you MUST go if you can!) with large rock formations surrounding me on every side. On my way to Colorado to visit friends, I made the ridiculously long drive by myself on purpose. I wanted time to hear Him, to pray and share my heart with the One who created it. I wanted space and quiet and beauty and didn't really want to share it with anyone but Jesus. And truth be told, I wanted to be able to pee whenever I wanted and sing along with N'Sync at the top of my lungs without bothering another human.

I was so overwhelmed by the beauty of the park, I almost forgot to stop and listen to the One who created it. I came down a steep rock pathway and looked up at the daunting structure in front of me and said, "God, what do you want to say to me?" And He spoke the words of Psalm 18 to my heart, "I will make your feet like the feet of a deer, and cause you to stand on heights. With Me, you can scale a wall. Who is God besides me and who is the Rock except our God? As for Me, My way is perfect, my word is flawless." And His words like fresh water in a dry and weary land refreshed and strengthened me and reminded me that He was, indeed, with me.

It took three days but I finally reached my destination, the home of dear friends who offered me a place of Refuge for the week, opening their hearts and their home to me. On my bed was a red envelope, actual mail! My sweet friend had sent me mail all the way in Colorado! She wrote beautiful words from her own heart, words of love and affirmation and on the backside wrote these verses;

  "As for God, his way is perfect: the Lord's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he causes me to stand on heights." 2 Samuel 22:31-34

And more laughter and joy and awareness of His presence, His faithfulness and goodness towards me.  And though my flesh and my heart may fail as for my God, my Rock and my Refuge...His way is perfect.

A piece of the puzzle

Every person, every interaction, conversation...it's a piece of the puzzle. My puzzle, your puzzle, their puzzle. I hate doing puzzles. I stare at them and stare at them and stare at them... None of the pieces seem to fit. Some "almost" fit, those are the worst. You think to yourself "I finally found a match" and place the two pieces together in a moment of triumph only to find that they are just slightly off and you have been defeated once again...by cardboard. Of course it's fancy cardboard so maybe it's not so bad but still, it's basically paper and it's getting the better of you.

So often I find myself saying, "we're just a piece of the puzzle and we may never see the finished product." From our perspective this moment, this interaction, this relationship... just looks like meaningless lines of color on an odd and useless shape.

But if we were the ones who created the puzzle, who drew every detail and cut out the individual pieces and threw them all together in a box anxiously awaiting the day they would be pieced back together to reach their full potential, what satisfaction we would find as the pieces did in fact join in perfect harmony to create the finished product.

When a puzzle is first created it's in one whole piece, but isn't it actually more wonderful after all the broken pieces are painstakingly pieced back together? And painful it is...mending our broken places by attaching them to the broken places of others. Painful, but so beautiful.

From one fancy piece of cardboard to another...thank you for letting me be a part of your puzzle and for being a part of mine.