Let's See How I Did...2014 in Review

Below is my post from last years' resolutions, in bold is how I did, not too shabby! I am really grateful for God's faithfulness in this crazy, exciting, painful, filled with the unexpected, year. 

14 Resolutions for 2014
1) Don't eat chocolate! Unless..it's in my protein bars (because let's face it, that's all I eat.) OR someone makes me baked goods with chocolate in them (then I'll just eat one and give the rest away when that wonderful person is gone) I think I made it about 6 months with one....Man, do I LOVE chocolate! 

2) Be grateful This was one of the great themes of this year, God teaching me to rejoice in all things. It's so so hard but so so beautiful and life giving! 

3) Wait on the lord with joy and expectation (rather than with complaining like I usually do) God gave me a lot of waiting opportunities this year and it was HARD! I wish I could say I did it all with joy but there were a lot of ups and downs, tears and desperate crying out. I will say though that in those hard places I felt God's presence more than ever before and that has indeed brought me great joy. Psalm 16:11

4) Don't get on an airplane... this one might be tough but I think it would be glorious! I did it!! It has been more than a year since I have gotten on an airplane. Not traveling as much this year (I managed a couple road trips!) has helped me invest more fully in my community and I am so grateful for the relationships that have been built this year. 

5) Be brave! Say what you want to say! Wow, did I ever nail this one! I have never been so brave in all my life. I made a lot of hard decisions this year. I had a lot of hard conversations. I almost got a tattoo (that counts right?!). Wore my heart on my sleeve. Asked people for forgiveness. Offered forgiveness. Quit my job. Took on a new job. Pondered a new career. Drove to Colorado in the snow by myself (gasp!). Loved recklessly. Dug into the hard and dark places of my past to seek healing. Prayed outrageous prayers. Learned to wait quietly on the Lord (fewer things are more brave than ceasing to strive and letting God take over...fewer things will prove more rewarding) Being brave is hard and scary and that's the whole point. I am grateful for God's leading and faithfulness as He called me to do hard things this year. 

6) Make new friends Numbers 4,5 and 7 all helped with this one. I did in fact make new friends this year. Not only did I make new friendships that have been life changing, I was able to go deeper with the friends I already had and for all of these relationships I am so grateful. 

7) Slow down, in every aspect of life, I need to slow down. Quitting my job helped with this one, suddenly I had nights and weekends free and was able to really engage. Engage more with the Lord and family and friends. It's so easy to hide behind busyness and I was incredibly guilty of this, but this year I slowed down and faced a lot of hard things I had been avoiding and I am so glad that I did. Slowing down also gave me time to read more books and binge watch way too many shows on hulu, but both of those are cheaper than therapy and have better consequences than hanging out in bars all night. 

8) Learn how to use that super fancy camera I saved for months to buy... I'm getting there! I did a few photo shoots, took a class and even took a couple of trips to learn how to use my camera, it's been fun and I can't wait to learn more! 

9) Decorate my room My room looks awesome!!! The walls are decorated, I have a cozy chair next to my bookshelf, it's perfect :) 

10) Drink more water (I don't know, I'm running out of ideas here...) I have no idea how I did on this one, I've always been pretty good at drinking water, this was a total cheater resolution ;) 

11) Remember. Remember God's faithfulness. Remember God's word. Remember His love for me. Remember lessons I've learned so I don't have to learn them again. Remember names and faces. This one really came in handy this year, with all the uncertainty and heartache that this year held, remembering God's past faithfulness was my anchor. Again, not something I did perfectly but I am encouraged even now that God had spoken this to my heart at the start of the year, He knows what we need. 

12) Take in the seemingly insignificant moments, the beauty of everyday life, the joy of just being.
I think all my instagram photos of sunsets and snuggles are proof enough of this. God has filled my life with so much joy and beauty and I am thankful that He has helped me see it. 

13) Be kind, even when I don't feel like it, even when people don't deserve it...because I have been given everything in Christ, may I learn to be kind and gracious to others. This one is hard to assess, but I know I learned a lot about kindness and grace and repentance when I didn't quite hit the mark. 

14) Last but certainly not least, may each breathe and step I take be for Jesus and when I willingly go my own way may I respond to His gentle correction and follow the path of my Savior. He is always good and always faithful, may my life reflect my belief in those words. Again, I truly hope this is true of me but there's no real way to know. I know I've had to repent a lot this year but I think that reflects Christ too. I'm so grateful for His grace and the grace shown to me by others, for this painfully beautiful season that has brought with it growth and a greater knowledge of God's presence and goodness. 

"For since the beginning of the world we have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides you, who acts for the one who waits for Him." Isaiah 64:4



This year has been REALLY hard. There has been a lot of loss and heartache. There has also been great reward. Relationships restored. New adventures. Learning to love more deeply. An awareness of God's presence I had yet to experience. A sense of peace in the midst of chaos. A growing belief in the goodness and withness (I know it's not a word!) of God. I am hopeful and excited as we welcome 2015 and grateful to let go of with glad surrender this year while at the same time clinging onto the goodness of God's faithfulness in 2014.

Happy New Year Friends! 

My beautiful niece's birthday party! 

A relationship restored and made so beautiful! 

My Dad and I. Nothing helps grow your relationship like a little friendly competition!

New Friends!

Old friends whom I have grown to love even more

This lil' nutcake brings me SO much joy all year long!

Sunsets and camera skills

A wild and crazy road trip to Colorado!

My sister and my best friend on a fun family road trip

And here's my verse for the new year; "As for God, His way is perfect, the Lord's word is flawless. He shields all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord and who is the rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer. He causes me to stand on heights." Psalm 18:30-33

Thankful for His Presence

2014 has been an incredible year. It has in many ways been incredibly difficult as it felt like a constant onslaught of trials either for me personally or those I love. I don't know if a week went by when I didn't receive news of some loss, loss of health, jobs, life and relationships. And news around the world has been grievous as well, it has been a very heavy year.

But with all the loss has come a greater knowledge of Immanuel, God with us. I have so keenly felt his presence as I've struggled to understand and navigate my circumstances. While so many things remain unclear, what is perhaps clearer than ever is that God is with us. He sees us, knows us, loves us and meets us right where we're at.

One of the themes God has been working on in my life this year is that of thankfulness.

We talk a lot about thanksgiving, we really ramp it up in November and maybe even carry it through the holiday season. Though if you're anything like me, the holidays rarely seem like reason to be thankful. They are more often painful reminders of loss or what is not yet. But really, isn't the longing for those things found in our longing for Christ and a place we have not yet known, a heavenly country?

I have read Isaiah 64 everyday this year. The Lord has spoken volumes to my heart through this passage of scripture. Earlier this year, as I meditated on these verses, there were four things I believe God was asking me to do; wait, rejoice, do righteousness and remember.

Rejoicing or giving thanks is one of the only things the Bible tells us to do ALWAYS. I read a book called "One Thousand Gifts" this year in which the author challenges the reader in thanksgiving, to not only be present and aware of the infinite number of gifts we take for granted; breath and life, sunshine and soft breezes but to give thanks ALWAYS; when we are grieved, perplexed, doubting, anxious, alone, fearful....ALWAYS.

Wait, rejoice, do righteousness, remember. Sometimes God calls us into seasons of waiting, this may feel painful or hopeless. We may be wondering what to do next? As I asked that question this year, "Lord, what do I do while I'm waiting?" His answer was "Do righteousness, rejoice and remember". Do righteousness, do the next right thing, honor God and honor others. Rejoice, always. And remember; when God seems absent or even cruel, remember his past faithfulness and trust that He is that same God today, always faithful, always loving, always just, always with us.

As I reflected on the four ways God had spoken to me, it always came back to "rejoice" and practicing thanksgiving when it would seem almost inappropriate has helped me see once again, Immanuel, God with us. I may not be able to see anything else clearly, but I can recognize that He is there with me, caring for me and as promised, working ALL things to good for those who love him.


We are told in the Psalms that "he inhabits the praises of his people" and that "in his presence is the fullness of joy". As we practice thanksgiving in ALL things we are sure to be met by our God and sure, there to find, the fullness of joy.

For since the beginning of the world
Men have not heard nor perceived by the ear,
Nor has the eye seen any God besides You,
Who acts for the one who waits for Him. You meet him who rejoices and does righteousness,
Who remembers You in Your ways.
You are indeed angry, for we have sinned—
In these ways we continue;
And we need to be saved.

Isaiah 64:4,5

Even though you might not see it...

"Even though you might not see my life changing what you are doing is changing me. Just to know that someone cares enough to come out here for us, nobody does that, not even our own families."

It's not a word for word quote but it's as close as I can remember. I've met N several times before and we always have a good connection with her. She told us last night that she'd been out there three years and that we had been with her all those years. She was grateful.

N is addicted to drugs and alcohol. She has given up everything to feed her addiction. She feeds her addiction so she can stay in the game. She is scared, desperate and heart broken. She knows the Lord and cries out to Him. She was in tears almost immediately and asked us to pray for her. She knew facing the truth was hard and our presence was causing her to do that but she wasn't afraid, she was comforted, because God called her worthy, beloved and was relentlessly pursuing her. And in that moment I'm reminded of the same truth, and comforted with her.

I don't know if N will ever be completely free this side of heaven. I pray that she will and won't give up hope but honestly, I don't know. But I do believe she'll be in heaven with me. If anyone grasps the gospel, it's N. She knows that she is undeserving and ensnared by sin. She knows that the only way she can stand in the presence of God is through Jesus, that she herself has nothing to offer. This, is the message of the gospel. And it's slow and sometimes unseen but the Lord is working, drawing her in and changing her heart.

It's easy to grow tired and weary, to focus on our own circumstances and want to give up and then we run into N and others like her and I'm reminded how incredibly privileged we are to do what we do. To walk the same streets week after week, to be the one to celebrate with God's beloved, to mourn with God's beloved. God intertwines each of our lives with many others and every relationship is an incredible gift. Some take longer than others to form and require more effort but all of them are a gift.

As you go through your days, look for God in the midst of your interactions with others. He is there, longing to reveal Himself to you. He's there in the extraordinary and the ordinary. He's there in the darkness and the light. He's there in times of faith and times of doubt. Everything around you will change, but God's love and pursuit of you will always remain. Even though you might not see it, He is there.