One Step at a Time

I have such a hard time with this. A situation arises and I think of every "what if" for the next five years. I get so far ahead of myself that I completely freak myself out and give up on things entirely because they have the potential to not turn out the way I hope they will.

And I'm praying and asking the Lord for help and telling Him I'm anxious and I hear, "So what?... What if the end result isn't what you think it will be? Will it change who I am? Will it change our relationship? Will I cease to be God? Will I cease to be good? Will I not be with you no matter what?"

Deep breath. Eyes shut tight. Hands open. I shake my head. "No Lord. You will never leave me nor forsake me. You will withhold no good thing, you are God and you are good, I can trust you."

And it's not that He's distant or doesn't care about the things that concern my heart, big and small, but that the end goal isn't all these things that keep me up at night...the end goal is Him.

His mercies are new every morning. I have been given the grace for today, the grace for this step. He will meet me at the next one with all that I need, I can trust Him.

So I'm learning to take steps, one at a time, with more concern about who is holding my hand as I climb then where we'll end up. Staying in the moment. Looking for God's heart, the stroke of his paintbrush, the faithful sting of his scalpel as He takes me forward, one step at a time.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase" Martin Luther King Jr.

Being Brave

I am not by nature a very brave person. I am what has been described of me as "polite". Meaning, I tend to be quiet in social settings, I won't interrupt or talk over someone, I don't usually offer opinions unless directly asked. I won't strike up a conversation with a stranger. I am often reserved in expressing my feelings for fear of all sorts of things; rejection, offending someone, not expressing myself clearly. But this year, actually just these last few months I have decided to be brave. I have friends who are really brave and while it might be awkward and uncomfortable for a moment, they often times get really incredible results from speaking up. Like tickets to a game they wanted to go to or a date with someone they thought was attractive or a promotion or a new friendship. There's a song that became very popular this year by Sara Barellis called "Brave" and the chorus says "say what you want to say and let the words fall out, honestly, I want to see you be brave". I have found myself singing that to myself every time I feel scared to say something. So I've been more brave this year and it has been awkward and scary and I don't always get the results I hope for but I also have less "what ifs?" to wrestle with and more confidence and I believe stronger relationships as my new found bravery breaks through the walls we've built up to protect ourselves and allows love to grow.

How can you be brave today? 

When My Father Comes... After Hours Ministry Update

Last Friday night we met a young woman, A. We spoke with A for some length of time. She seemed really open and shared quite a bit about herself. We asked her if she wanted prayer and she asked that we would pray for her father to be released from prison. She went on to explain that she felt unprotected and alone without him and that she believed her life would significantly change when he was able to care for and protect her. She believed the answer to her leaving the life of prostitution was to have her father back in her life. As I was listening I heard the Lord say, “tell her I am”. Over and over I kept hearing that and knew I had to tell her that all the things she hoped her earthly father to be, her heavenly was and more.

By the grace of God I was able to speak this truth to her and in the moment she seemed to respond. She went from saying “if” and “when” to “now”. I told her that her heavenly Father was able to deliver her now and perhaps we were sent just for that reason.

This interaction with A spoke volumes to my heart. How often do we say to ourselves “I will do this or that…if and when” when God is already there, ready to deliver us. We look to the things of this world, to other people to take a role that was meant for God alone. We will always come up short when we seek to fill God’s position with another. And yet, when God takes this rightful position we are free to be in a right relationship with others and the world around us.

“A” did leave the street that night, whether out of faith (that God had come to deliver her) or fear (of her current circumstances)… I don’t really know. What I do know is God met us there and will continue to do so. God knows the depths of our hearts and speaks straight to them. God comforts us, guides us, assures us, provides for us, and desires to be our all and the choice is ours. In the last few days as I have interacted with A, I can sense the battle taking place within her. To choose to be free is to choose to walk by faith, faith in a God who is not necessarily tangible (though even our presence on Friday night challenges that idea) and may even seem distant in light of her current circumstances, or to continue on bound up in chains always waiting for “if” or “when”.

Please pray for A to choose life. Pray that she will know God as God is, our gracious and merciful Father who longs to restore us. Jesus, who has come and made a way for us out of bondage and into everlasting life. May her image of an earthly father be changed and replaced by the gentle, yet firm love and faithfulness of our heavenly Father.

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father. The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs–heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:15-18