What do you do when your dreams are crushed?

I want to answer that question, but the truth is, I'm only asking it because I'm watching as my dreams slip away. I'm not trying to be dramatic and I know things can be a lot worse, but comparing losses gets us nowhere. A dream crushed is a dream crushed and all of them matter.

I like to say things like "The process is just as important as the outcome" and "God must have something better". But today, my heart doesn't agree with my head. Today, my heart hurts and is confused and even a little bit angry.

I'm in the middle of a sabbatical and that's an incredible gift. It's also really hard. No one tells you how hard it will be. How lonely you will feel, how when the novelty and adventure wear off you will begin to doubt your worth and value or purpose in this world. How when you have stepped away from the work you are so passionate about and all the other areas of your life fall apart you feel so so empty. They don't tell you that part. Or how some will doubt you, and your intentions with this time, and how they'll tell you that on the same day that you get the news that devastates you. Not in the brochure...

I want to say that I am sure that God has a bigger and better plan. I want to say that all this will work for good. I want to say that I trust God and I'm not afraid. But I don't wholeheartedly believe any of that today. I believe it a little and I hope I will believe it more and I hope that it will all turn out to be true. But today, I got on my knees and wept and cried out to God. "So many dreams have been taken, so now what? I need you to show up. I need to know that you see me and hear me and care about this. I believe that you love me but sometimes I have to cling a little to much to past evidence and really wish I had a win for today."

Rejection and loss are hard to face. And maybe they don't define us but they are definitely land markers in our story. We try and we work and seek God and pray and plan and sometimes we are still left with nothing. Or at least, what feels like nothing in this moment. So, I don't know. I really don't know what the answer is. I think that you just stumble around in the dark until you hopefully find a light switch or maybe even just a flashlight. I think that you fall on your face and cry and tell God how much it hurts and how confused you are. I think you wait for the Lord but get up and keep going at the same time. I think you trust that he's good while maybe changing your opinion of what that means. 

God IS good. He is with us. I know he's with me. I know that when my heart hurts his does too. And honestly, that's about all I know right now. It's enough though, it's enough to take the next step. It's enough to wake up and start again tomorrow. It's enough to draw me to my knees and keep coming to Jesus, just to know that he's there.

If you feel the same today, if you just can't make sense of what's happening and feel empty-handed, you aren't alone. I hope that God's presence with you will be enough. I hope that you will draw near and pour out your heart, he loves when we come to him. I hope that you will be comforted and encouraged. You, are not alone. And I hope that we'll both be able to dream again.. even if it's just one little flicker of a flame that ignites, may it be enough to draw us out in hope for the good things that will come just as surely as the heartache.

Looking for the light with you,
Jen

"I always pray as if this one thing is true: God is for us. And it's worthwhile to keep knocking. That's all I know about faith for sure" Sarah Bessey

Why Hasn't She Left?

There have been a handful of occasions in my years on the street where I'm listening to the story of a woman and wishing I could record her words because she is saying EVERYTHING I want people to know about the realities of the Game and prostitution. Last weekend we met S and I found myself in the same position.

S recently left her pimp and has a three old daughter. She is still working to support herself and her child and many of us would wonder why? If she is free of her violent and controlling pimp why can't she get off the street? As her story unfolds it carries all of the potential roadblocks and triggers that lead someone into this life and keep them there.

Somewhere along the way she mentioned foster care, my heart sank. Not that I didn't suspect it, but sometimes I find myself hoping it won't be so consistent. The abandonment and rejection, the constantly being left and discarded. A child is given no tools to care for themselves and they have nowhere to turn, nowhere that they belong.

In a search for belonging she finds her pimp, who is often her boyfriend. He meets the need for belonging even if it's the worst kind. If she ever gains a moment of clarity and realizes that he has been using her for his own gain (just as surely as many of her foster families did) he has made it so that she has little to no chance to survive on her own.

He took her ID. That's ok, it's not hard to get a new one. She's been arrested. He kept her from her court dates. With warrants for her arrest that she couldn't avoid she cannot get a new drivers license, a job, a place to live...

He told her that she was worthless. He told her no one would believe her, they would put her in jail instead. He told her he would kill her. Others have disappeared before.

She left him because she has a daughter, a daughter who she grieves for and simultaneously dares to dream for. Grieving because of the years that have already been given over to something less than, grieving because what if she can't get out? What if she can't move on? What if she tries to and they take her daughter away? But dreaming, dreaming of a what it would be like to give her daughter a future that she herself never had a chance to know. Dreaming of being home when her daughter comes home from school, to tuck her in at a night and hold her when she has a bad dream.

The fear is almost paralyzing. The unknowns insurmountable. The road before her is long and hard and there is no way to make it easy. But she sees with more clarity than ever before, anything is better than this. Anything is better than wondering if you are going to survive another night, if you will be robbed or raped or killed. Anything is better than someone telling you they love you and turning around and selling you to anyone and everyone.

You can hear this story and feel overwhelmed and defeated, sometimes I do. But you can also hear this and with gratitude and hope in your heart, lean into the pain and dare to dream with her. It will cost you too. I don't know what, we're all called in different ways. It might cost you in empathy, or time. It might cost you financially or in dashed dreams, and the cost may not outweigh the results in this lifetime. You and she and I are in this together, whether we see it or not, my freedom and healing are wrapped up in hers and vice versa.

I don't know how you'll respond to this story, but I pray that you'll hear it. I pray that you will see the realities faced by men and women caught in this life are in no way simple or easy to overcome. That the pain and loss is beyond measure. At the same time I pray that you will hope with me for a restoration that only God can bring, for a miraculous redemption of what was lost, sold and given away, for a heart that willingly bears the burdens of others knowing that we are in this thing called humanity together and together with God, we find hope and healing.

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and broke their chains in pieces." 

Psalm 107:13,14

For more information on this ministry check out www.afterhoursministry.org

Invisible Losses and Grieving Together

Last week was National Infertility Week. It's so incredibly heartbreaking that this week exists. But what is perhaps more heartbreaking is that very few people know that it does. Infertility and childlessness are what I call invisible losses. They are losses like any other, like the death of a loved one, but they are catastrophically unseen. One of my best friends received a diagnosis of infertility this last year and it has been devastating. But what is perhaps more difficult is that her pain is often unseen and misunderstood.

My friend's loss has opened my eyes to the grief of others in new ways and it's also helped me enter into my own necessary grieving for the losses I have faced, losses which are also invisible. We try so hard to avoid grief that sometimes we aren't willing to admit our losses. For me, similar to my friend, but at the same time very different, I am grieving a loss felt by being well into my 30's, unmarried and childless. This loss too is largely unseen and misunderstood. And while it may or may not be temporary, at this time, it is a loss.

If I or my friend share our sense of loss with others we might hear well-meaning people say horrible things like "You can share my kids" or "at least you still have a great figure" or "I wish I had all the freedom that you have". I and many other grieving women would gladly bear stretch marks and give up our "freedoms" to have children. And while we who desire motherhood often love other people's children with our whole hearts (like my precious nieces and nephews) and we're so grateful to be a part of so many families, it is not the same as having our own and it doesn't take away the pain we feel.

People say horrible things, not because they are horrible or don't care (in fact, often they are the people who care for you most) but because they don't understand. It's ok not to understand, how could you unless you've been there? But we need you to care. We need you to acknowledge our losses. And we don't need you to say the right thing, there is no right thing to say. We just need you to hear us, to see us and to sit with us in the pain while we grieve.

We need you to understand that bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, mother's day and father's day... are all reminders to us of what we are lacking and they are difficult days for us to endure. It needs to be ok if we don't show up for your shower. That may sound selfish, but for a season and maybe for a few seasons, we need time to grieve and we may not be emotionally capable of publicly celebrating others in that capacity. It doesn't mean we don't want to celebrate you or we aren't rejoicing with you, it might just be healthier for us to find another, less public way to do that.

We need you to grieve with us. I cannot tell you how hard it is to grieve alone, but I know many of you will understand. Even if your loss is visible, as a culture we do not grieve well. If your loss is visible, at best, we will grieve with you for a short period of time immediately following your loss but then we will move on, while for months and years you carry your grief on your own, feeling as though if you were to share it you would somehow be a burden. We are taught to be independent and strong and we often mask our pain, "keep our chins up" with a "stiff upper lip" and grieve alone or not at all.

But losses grieved well, losses grieved corporately, can bring a healing and wholeness that could not be brought any other way. If we want to achieve this we must first be willing to grieve and invite others into that space with us, it's vulnerable and scary but it's worth it. Second we must show up, not just on day one or week one but on month two and month six and year five. Grief changes and ebs and flows but it follows no pattern or system and when we feel most alone we need others to show up for us. And I know you feel like you showed up when you liked their facebook status or sent them a text and I don't doubt they felt supported but sometimes, as often as you can, you need to actually show up in the flesh; even a phone call or a handwritten note can ease the ache of grief and remind us that we are not alone or forgotten in our pain.

I pray that we'll have eyes to see the hurts of others and that we'll overcome our fears and we'll show up. I pray that we'll make ourselves vulnerable and invite others into our pain so that they can grieve with us, so that we can grow in love for one another, so that we can see the faithfulness of God together as He carries us through.


Note: Please know that I know the potential for me to have a family is still there, I haven't given up and there is plenty of time! I know that God is ultimately in control and capable of wonderful things, but that doesn't change the pain and ache as I wait with no assurance that I will have those things...also, it's not really the point of this blog post. I'm not writing this because I'm bitter or angry or have given up hope, if anything I'm more hopeful than I've been in a long time. I'm writing this because I've been made aware of losses in the lives of others that are often unseen and ignored, of grief that has been buried, of the terrible loneliness that can come from such heartaches and I so desperately want to care for others in those spaces. I so desperately want others to care for me too and I'm inviting you in.

Let's See How I Did...2014 in Review

Below is my post from last years' resolutions, in bold is how I did, not too shabby! I am really grateful for God's faithfulness in this crazy, exciting, painful, filled with the unexpected, year. 

14 Resolutions for 2014
1) Don't eat chocolate! Unless..it's in my protein bars (because let's face it, that's all I eat.) OR someone makes me baked goods with chocolate in them (then I'll just eat one and give the rest away when that wonderful person is gone) I think I made it about 6 months with one....Man, do I LOVE chocolate! 

2) Be grateful This was one of the great themes of this year, God teaching me to rejoice in all things. It's so so hard but so so beautiful and life giving! 

3) Wait on the lord with joy and expectation (rather than with complaining like I usually do) God gave me a lot of waiting opportunities this year and it was HARD! I wish I could say I did it all with joy but there were a lot of ups and downs, tears and desperate crying out. I will say though that in those hard places I felt God's presence more than ever before and that has indeed brought me great joy. Psalm 16:11

4) Don't get on an airplane... this one might be tough but I think it would be glorious! I did it!! It has been more than a year since I have gotten on an airplane. Not traveling as much this year (I managed a couple road trips!) has helped me invest more fully in my community and I am so grateful for the relationships that have been built this year. 

5) Be brave! Say what you want to say! Wow, did I ever nail this one! I have never been so brave in all my life. I made a lot of hard decisions this year. I had a lot of hard conversations. I almost got a tattoo (that counts right?!). Wore my heart on my sleeve. Asked people for forgiveness. Offered forgiveness. Quit my job. Took on a new job. Pondered a new career. Drove to Colorado in the snow by myself (gasp!). Loved recklessly. Dug into the hard and dark places of my past to seek healing. Prayed outrageous prayers. Learned to wait quietly on the Lord (fewer things are more brave than ceasing to strive and letting God take over...fewer things will prove more rewarding) Being brave is hard and scary and that's the whole point. I am grateful for God's leading and faithfulness as He called me to do hard things this year. 

6) Make new friends Numbers 4,5 and 7 all helped with this one. I did in fact make new friends this year. Not only did I make new friendships that have been life changing, I was able to go deeper with the friends I already had and for all of these relationships I am so grateful. 

7) Slow down, in every aspect of life, I need to slow down. Quitting my job helped with this one, suddenly I had nights and weekends free and was able to really engage. Engage more with the Lord and family and friends. It's so easy to hide behind busyness and I was incredibly guilty of this, but this year I slowed down and faced a lot of hard things I had been avoiding and I am so glad that I did. Slowing down also gave me time to read more books and binge watch way too many shows on hulu, but both of those are cheaper than therapy and have better consequences than hanging out in bars all night. 

8) Learn how to use that super fancy camera I saved for months to buy... I'm getting there! I did a few photo shoots, took a class and even took a couple of trips to learn how to use my camera, it's been fun and I can't wait to learn more! 

9) Decorate my room My room looks awesome!!! The walls are decorated, I have a cozy chair next to my bookshelf, it's perfect :) 

10) Drink more water (I don't know, I'm running out of ideas here...) I have no idea how I did on this one, I've always been pretty good at drinking water, this was a total cheater resolution ;) 

11) Remember. Remember God's faithfulness. Remember God's word. Remember His love for me. Remember lessons I've learned so I don't have to learn them again. Remember names and faces. This one really came in handy this year, with all the uncertainty and heartache that this year held, remembering God's past faithfulness was my anchor. Again, not something I did perfectly but I am encouraged even now that God had spoken this to my heart at the start of the year, He knows what we need. 

12) Take in the seemingly insignificant moments, the beauty of everyday life, the joy of just being.
I think all my instagram photos of sunsets and snuggles are proof enough of this. God has filled my life with so much joy and beauty and I am thankful that He has helped me see it. 

13) Be kind, even when I don't feel like it, even when people don't deserve it...because I have been given everything in Christ, may I learn to be kind and gracious to others. This one is hard to assess, but I know I learned a lot about kindness and grace and repentance when I didn't quite hit the mark. 

14) Last but certainly not least, may each breathe and step I take be for Jesus and when I willingly go my own way may I respond to His gentle correction and follow the path of my Savior. He is always good and always faithful, may my life reflect my belief in those words. Again, I truly hope this is true of me but there's no real way to know. I know I've had to repent a lot this year but I think that reflects Christ too. I'm so grateful for His grace and the grace shown to me by others, for this painfully beautiful season that has brought with it growth and a greater knowledge of God's presence and goodness. 

"For since the beginning of the world we have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides you, who acts for the one who waits for Him." Isaiah 64:4



This year has been REALLY hard. There has been a lot of loss and heartache. There has also been great reward. Relationships restored. New adventures. Learning to love more deeply. An awareness of God's presence I had yet to experience. A sense of peace in the midst of chaos. A growing belief in the goodness and withness (I know it's not a word!) of God. I am hopeful and excited as we welcome 2015 and grateful to let go of with glad surrender this year while at the same time clinging onto the goodness of God's faithfulness in 2014.

Happy New Year Friends! 

My beautiful niece's birthday party! 

A relationship restored and made so beautiful! 

My Dad and I. Nothing helps grow your relationship like a little friendly competition!

New Friends!

Old friends whom I have grown to love even more

This lil' nutcake brings me SO much joy all year long!

Sunsets and camera skills

A wild and crazy road trip to Colorado!

My sister and my best friend on a fun family road trip

And here's my verse for the new year; "As for God, His way is perfect, the Lord's word is flawless. He shields all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord and who is the rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer. He causes me to stand on heights." Psalm 18:30-33

Thankful for His Presence

2014 has been an incredible year. It has in many ways been incredibly difficult as it felt like a constant onslaught of trials either for me personally or those I love. I don't know if a week went by when I didn't receive news of some loss, loss of health, jobs, life and relationships. And news around the world has been grievous as well, it has been a very heavy year.

But with all the loss has come a greater knowledge of Immanuel, God with us. I have so keenly felt his presence as I've struggled to understand and navigate my circumstances. While so many things remain unclear, what is perhaps clearer than ever is that God is with us. He sees us, knows us, loves us and meets us right where we're at.

One of the themes God has been working on in my life this year is that of thankfulness.

We talk a lot about thanksgiving, we really ramp it up in November and maybe even carry it through the holiday season. Though if you're anything like me, the holidays rarely seem like reason to be thankful. They are more often painful reminders of loss or what is not yet. But really, isn't the longing for those things found in our longing for Christ and a place we have not yet known, a heavenly country?

I have read Isaiah 64 everyday this year. The Lord has spoken volumes to my heart through this passage of scripture. Earlier this year, as I meditated on these verses, there were four things I believe God was asking me to do; wait, rejoice, do righteousness and remember.

Rejoicing or giving thanks is one of the only things the Bible tells us to do ALWAYS. I read a book called "One Thousand Gifts" this year in which the author challenges the reader in thanksgiving, to not only be present and aware of the infinite number of gifts we take for granted; breath and life, sunshine and soft breezes but to give thanks ALWAYS; when we are grieved, perplexed, doubting, anxious, alone, fearful....ALWAYS.

Wait, rejoice, do righteousness, remember. Sometimes God calls us into seasons of waiting, this may feel painful or hopeless. We may be wondering what to do next? As I asked that question this year, "Lord, what do I do while I'm waiting?" His answer was "Do righteousness, rejoice and remember". Do righteousness, do the next right thing, honor God and honor others. Rejoice, always. And remember; when God seems absent or even cruel, remember his past faithfulness and trust that He is that same God today, always faithful, always loving, always just, always with us.

As I reflected on the four ways God had spoken to me, it always came back to "rejoice" and practicing thanksgiving when it would seem almost inappropriate has helped me see once again, Immanuel, God with us. I may not be able to see anything else clearly, but I can recognize that He is there with me, caring for me and as promised, working ALL things to good for those who love him.


We are told in the Psalms that "he inhabits the praises of his people" and that "in his presence is the fullness of joy". As we practice thanksgiving in ALL things we are sure to be met by our God and sure, there to find, the fullness of joy.

For since the beginning of the world
Men have not heard nor perceived by the ear,
Nor has the eye seen any God besides You,
Who acts for the one who waits for Him. You meet him who rejoices and does righteousness,
Who remembers You in Your ways.
You are indeed angry, for we have sinned—
In these ways we continue;
And we need to be saved.

Isaiah 64:4,5

His Way is Perfect

Remember that month where you suffered a loss in relationship, your roommate had emergency surgery, your car broke down, your sister fell and wound up in the ER, your stepmom lost her job, you lost your wallet only to find it later with everything missing including your Golden Spoon stamp card (are there no decent people left in the world??!), BOTH your Grandma's were in the hospital, you drove to Colorado for rest and refuge but had to pull off the highway because the first snow of the year came hard in the middle of your drive and because your wallet was stolen you had no way to pay for your hotel room and had to call your Dad? Yea...

We've all had months like this, where NOTHING seems to go our way. Some are much harder than this, and some seem to last all year. We live in a broken and fallen world. We are broken people. We take on too much and can't keep up. We carry the burdens of others sometimes forgetting ourselves. We stumble and fall and make bad choices. And confusion and heartache seem to reign.

And then... the miracle. NOTHING changes. But God. Immanuel, God with us. Somewhere in the chaos and crying out you hear Him, that still, small voice "I am with you". Somewhere in the blinding, blur you see Him, wide arms ready to embrace you. Joy, trust, peace, even laughter take over your heart, your mind, and you fall back into His arms.

We were not promised easy, we were not promised a life without pain or trials, the opposite is actually true. But He promised He'd be with us. If you can stop, for even a second in the swirling chaos and listen, you'll hear Him, you will know that He is ever present and faithful. He will deliver you, He will not leave you. He will be strong for you. He will comfort, protect and provide for you.

I stood in the middle of Arches National Park (a place you MUST go if you can!) with large rock formations surrounding me on every side. On my way to Colorado to visit friends, I made the ridiculously long drive by myself on purpose. I wanted time to hear Him, to pray and share my heart with the One who created it. I wanted space and quiet and beauty and didn't really want to share it with anyone but Jesus. And truth be told, I wanted to be able to pee whenever I wanted and sing along with N'Sync at the top of my lungs without bothering another human.

I was so overwhelmed by the beauty of the park, I almost forgot to stop and listen to the One who created it. I came down a steep rock pathway and looked up at the daunting structure in front of me and said, "God, what do you want to say to me?" And He spoke the words of Psalm 18 to my heart, "I will make your feet like the feet of a deer, and cause you to stand on heights. With Me, you can scale a wall. Who is God besides me and who is the Rock except our God? As for Me, My way is perfect, my word is flawless." And His words like fresh water in a dry and weary land refreshed and strengthened me and reminded me that He was, indeed, with me.

It took three days but I finally reached my destination, the home of dear friends who offered me a place of Refuge for the week, opening their hearts and their home to me. On my bed was a red envelope, actual mail! My sweet friend had sent me mail all the way in Colorado! She wrote beautiful words from her own heart, words of love and affirmation and on the backside wrote these verses;

  "As for God, his way is perfect: the Lord's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he causes me to stand on heights." 2 Samuel 22:31-34

And more laughter and joy and awareness of His presence, His faithfulness and goodness towards me.  And though my flesh and my heart may fail as for my God, my Rock and my Refuge...His way is perfect.

Sometimes Goliath Kicks the S#*t out of David...

We love the stories of triumphant underdog, the overcomers, defeating giants, the unexpected victory. Those are the stories we tell, the ones we make into movies and books. To be honest, they're the ones I want to hear, read about or watch in a film. I want those stories because in real life, well, in real life, "sometimes Goliath kicks the shit out of David, it's just nobody ever bothers to tell that story". That's actually a line from one of my favorite, and very insightful ;) movies "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" (you never know where you're going to find wisdom!) We know that in the fleeting vapor that is this life, good doesn't always triumph, the underdog often remains in their lowly position and some people never overcome.

There are other stories in the Bible, less popular for sure. Stories of extreme heartache and loss. Stories of God's faithful servants devastated and left to doubt all that they were sure of. What happens when God doesn't show up? When He doesn't rescue you or come through? Why aren't we telling those stories?

Is He still God? Still good? Still present? Sovereign? When He leads you into heartache, can you still trust Him? Can you be sure you heard Him in the first place or that He even speaks to you? There are hard questions that need to be asked. Questions that, if we're honest, might never be answered.

Sometimes the questions are all we have. Some we think we know the answers to and we wait in hope that our hearts will soon believe what our minds are convinced of. Some, I'm sure, we'll never find the answers to. Can we find encouragement and hope when there is no obvious victory? Can we trust a God we don't understand?

One of the things God commands repeatedly in His Word is "to remember". The reason I think He wants us to remember is that, if we do, carefully scan our memories, we will remember obvious times of victory, times where our prayers were answered exactly as we prayed them, sometimes miraculously. In remembering those times we might be able to muster up enough faith to make it through the times when God seems absent or cruel. Because if God is unchanging, then His faithfulness then is the same today, I just may not have the ability to perceive it. And when I doubt His goodness, I either have to doubt everything the Bible says or I have to put aside that doubt because if I question one area of biblical thought, I have to question them all. So if I believe that God is merciful and forgives my sins, I have to believe that He is good and acts out of love always, because that's what the Bible says. In remembering, I can move forward. Remembering God's past faithfulness helps me to believe in His present and future faithfulness, even if I can't discern it at the time.

Sometimes, Goliath wins. It's not the ending we want, and maybe it doesn't make any sense but it doesn't change who God is. We are faced with this truth, one that I am daily trying to grasp; Our hope is not in the ways of our God (which we may pretend to understand) but in God Himself. May we hope in our God in and through all things, who is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Oh, give thanks to the LORD!
Call upon His name;
Make known His deeds among the peoples!

Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him;
Talk of all His wonderous works!

Glory in His holy name;
Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the LORD!

Seek the LORD and His strength;
Seek His face evermore!

Remember His marvelous works which He has done,
His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth,

O seed of Israel His servant,
You children of Jacob, His chosen ones!

He is the LORD our God;
His judgments are in all the earth.

Remember His covenant forever,
The word which He commanded, for a thousand generations...

1 Chronicles 16:8-15

Is THIS Christmas???

This Christmas season has been especially difficult for me. It's hard to say why exactly...well, that's not true, I could tell you why but there are so many reasons that you would get bored halfway through, nod off and never get to the amazing message you know you're going to get out this blog!

Anyways... I have had a hard week. And in the midst of this hard week I have been desparate to focus on what matters, Jesus, rather than my mounting circumstances. I haven't done a very good job. It seems like I get a little hopeful and something else hits and I'm lying in a puddle of sorrow on the floor (not really, but isn't the imagery great?).

So this morning I'm sitting in a beautiful Christmas service with a family of friends that I adore. Celebrating with them as they dedicate their newborn son and I'm fighting just to stay engaged. Now, granted there was an adorable 4 year old whispering in my ear most of the service, but that wasn't what was really distracting me. I kept wondering why my heart wasn't engaging? Or connecting? Or whatever it was supposed to be doing...The words of the preacher just sounded like every other sermon and I knew it wasn't him...it was my heart. But in the midst of my questioning, something happened...it was as if time stood still, the sounds of the choir and the sight of children dancing faded into the background... and I saw her. She was probably in her mid 20's, it looked as if she had come alone, and she was crying. Suddenly, she was the focal point of the room. And as I saw her tears, I thought "this is what it's all about". Who knows why she was crying, maybe she was mourning a loss, maybe she was crying tears of joy because of her Savior, maybe she was overwhelmed with loneliness... But at that moment I knew, He came for her. He came to wipe her tears forever, to bind up her broken heart and set her free from sin and death. He came to do that for each and every one of us.

The good news is that He came. And that she and millions of others gathererd today to worship Him because He is who He says He is and does what He says He will do. There is great hope and joy in Jesus and no matter life's circumstances, that doesn't change.

The holidays are meant to be a season of rejoicing and yet so often, for so many, they are a season of great pain and sorrow. If that is true for you and you find yourself distracted and disengaged, know that He is your comforter, your healer, your friend and your Savior. Fix your eyes on Him and rejoice, for He has come! (see...bet you're glad you didn't nod off at the beginning!)

And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great JOY that will be for ALL the people." - Luke 2:10

Ok, now if you just really want to laugh and you want to watch the video where the line "is THIS Christmas?" comes from, watch this episode of Kid History "The True Meaning of Christmas". It has nothing to do with the true meaning of Christmas...BUT it's hilarious!

Merry Christmas friends!