I've been thinking about gifts a lot lately. Gifts are given not because we deserve them or have earned them but as a demonstration of love. But a gift not only has to be given but received.
On Friday night, one of the women asked us to pray for "more faith". I don't think I'll ever forget her sweet, beautifully determined face as we prayed. She genuinely longs for more faith. I thought about my own prayers this week for grace, as I felt I had failed in different ways and desperately longed for grace in those moments. The thing about grace and faith is that they're both gifts from God given freely out of love. Ours is only to receive these gifts. So I began thinking about our prayers and what we really ought to be asking for, is it for more grace and faith or the ability to receive it?
I think at least three people said to me last week, "Be gracious with yourself Jen." I have begun to realize that it's not God that needs to be more gracious, as if He could be, but that I need to learn to receive what has already been given to me, to believe what God has said, to trust the gift that has been given to me and to stand in it.
Let me be clear, I'm not saying there are not times that we need to ask for faith or grace or whatever our need is, what I am saying is we need to make sure we are not standing in our own way to receive those gifts.
I believe that young woman already possesses great faith, I could see it in her face and hear it in her expression. Faith given to her by the Lord. But perhaps years of pain and loss, disappointments and failed relationships, have prevented her from receiving this great gift, prevented her from believing in and walking in what she already has.
Maybe our prayers should be for open hands to receive. That all the stuff we are holding onto; fear, bitterness, unforgiveness, unbelief, sorrow, anger... that we are able to release it and receive the great gifts of faith, grace, love and hope that our Heavenly Father has freely given us. Or maybe we have decided somewhere along the way that we have to earn these gifts, we've made it about ourselves and instead of about the gracious Giver, who gives freely out of love.
Maybe our prayers should be that we will believe God is who He says He is and that what He says about us is true as well. A friend of mine suggested that sometimes we may not receive God's gifts because we are afraid we will not live up to them or be good stewards of them. Like if God gives me faith then I have to do something great to make myself worthy of it, but this isn't how God operates. We are not on a pass/fail system with God. Failure is an option and doesn't make us any less worthy of God's love and His gifts. We are worthy because He has made us so not because we always get it right.
I believe that God desires to give us many great gifts and in many cases already has, the inability to possess that gift often lies not in God's withholding but in our inability to receive it.
What gifts has the Lord given you that you need to take hold of today? What are you holding onto that's keeping you from receiving what has already been given?
My prayer for myself, the young woman on the street and all of us is that we'll have open hands to receive as our Father generously gives to us.
