My Love/Hate relationship with Social Media

Social media is pretty amazing and has changed our world in many ways. We get the news before the news gets the news, we can know the thoughts of just about anyone at almost any given moment, we can keep in touch with friends on other continents almost in real time and the list goes on...

There are a lot of reasons I don't like social media. The two main reasons are it highlights my insecurities and makes my brain a little crazy and it often causes me to feel negative feelings towards others as their thoughts, opinions and experiences are expressed aside from their actual selves and a genuine life context. I don't like feeling insecure and judgy so sometimes I'm not a huge fan of social media. 

BUT, that's not why I'm writing this blog post. One of the reasons I DO like social media is it gives an opportunity for our voices to be heard. And at this point in history we need to speak up and take advantage of the fact that we can easily be heard. When I hear people (especially those in power) say that we should turn on an entire group of people based on their religion (race, gender, etc.) as we have heard in the last few days I think about the opportunity we have to stand up for those groups of people. 

Today there are people spreading hate and inciting fear against entire groups of people. Most notably Muslims. I hope that we will make our voices heard when we say "I stand with Muslims". Our neighbors, our fellow humans created by God and thereby given infinite value and worth.

Today people are fearful and turning their fear into hatred of others. Fear is blinding and when we give into it we easily forget who we are and what is really valuable. But I hope our voices will be heard when we say "Perfect love casts out all fear". Because love is greater and more powerful than fear. Love heals, love frees and love gives sacrificially.

Today people are closing their borders and their hearts to millions of displaced refugees, to those fleeing from the violence we are suspicious of them for. I hope they will hear us when we say "our home is your home". Everything we have is a gift and we have no greater right to safety and freedom than any other human being. I hope that those seeking a place where they and their children will be safe or at least have a chance to survive, will find shelter with us.

I hope the voices of unity, love, safety and freedom will be louder than those of hate, division, violence and oppression. I am a Christian and I long to love like Christ. It's costly and difficult and often I fail, but I hope that as I speak and act people will hear the voice of Jesus as he says, "let them know you by your love...bless those who persecute you...love your enemies...love your neighbor as yourself...greater love has no one than this than to lay down one's life for his friends." 

So thanks social media, for letting my voice be heard today. 

What We Aren't Posting

What We Aren't Posting
I'm not the first to address this issue but it's been a pressing one for me these last few weeks so I'm going to put my two cents in on it as well. We all know that we put our best selves forward on social media. That we give just enough information to make it look like we're being vulnerable without actually being vulnerable. Or we're the opposite and we rant and rave and drive everyone crazy because we are giving way too much information. The problem is, it isn't real life. What's real is that I slept 4 hours last night because I was in incredible amounts of pain, that I got pulled over for speeding (but let off with a warning...whew!), that I'm not feeling great about myself because I put on a few vacation pounds (and I'd do it again! Countless helpings of the worlds best fudge were totally worth a few days of feeling kind of frumpy.) and was rejected by two different guys in the last month. Yea...you didn't see me instagramming any of that stuff. A nice muffin top picture would be fun though wouldn't it? ;)

So you saw all my beautiful sunset pictures and my adorable nephew and shots of me at Disneyland and ball games and you thought "she is living the life! I wish I had it that good!" And you're right, my life is really, really good but it's not perfect and there is a lot of heartache and frustration that I just didn't feel like any Instagram filter could fix.

In addition to the lack of contentment social media can bring as we compare our severely average lives to the apparently perfect lives of all our "friends" it can also bring a fair amount of social anxiety...at least for me.
With every word or photo I worry...who will see it? What will they think? Should I have said it a different way? Not at all? On and on and on. I lose genuine connection with my friends in exchange for a virtual, borderline imaginary, social connection. I say imaginary because much of what is happening is all in my mind based on my own fears and insecurities and not based on actual fact. So instead of spending time reading actual books, having conversations with those who actually love me or praying and growing spiritually, I am consumed with anxiety and constantly looking for someone to alleviate it as if just one more like of my extremely witty status will validate my worth as a human. But it won't. There's a lot to think about here; one issue is how social media is impacting our relationships (and let's face it our mental stability) and the other is where our worth and value actually comes from.

Our Relationships

I think social media can be really great. I have friends all over the world and I love that I can connect with them, hear details of their everyday life and see photos almost in real time through social media. I also love how social media has connected me to friends from the past who I might never have heard from again. But I think there are some major pitfalls in that social media creates an illusion of connectedness. We may have a 1,000 "friends" but still wind up sitting home alone most nights. We may have dozens of social interactions in a day and yet we've had no genuine heart connection with anyone. We are still doing life alone, we are crying in the bathroom alone, we are rejoicing in our office alone and no amount of likes on our status or followers or our blog will ever make up for the actual presence of a friend.

And let's talk about when we are with our friends or family but still find it necessary to check the status updates of our other friends and miss a valuable connection with the person sitting right in front of us. We have almost lost the ability to sit with one another, look each other in the eye and just be with one another. I'm as guilty of this as the next person but I'm trying really hard to learn to be present in the moment and to give my loved ones the attention they deserve.

Our Worth
There is only one person who defines your worth, it's the one who created you. God alone gives you worth and your value is infinite because of Him. It's not based on you saying the right thing or always looking your best, it's based on who He is. Your value is intrinsic and does not change with a new day, new blog post or photo. You can rest in that fact and stop striving, stop worrying and maybe just maybe put your phone down for a few minutes and thank God for loving you lavishly and being more than enough. Not only is He enough for you, but you... are enough.

What Now?
As I mentioned, I think there are some great reasons to use social media and it's almost impossible not to in some form because that is the way the world operates today. But we can change our habits and our ways of thinking. I have a very all or nothing personality. It is really hard for me to do things in moderation so if it is harmful in someway I usually have to opt not to do it all. As I have noticed a fair amount of social anxiety and a severe amount of distraction from using facebook I have chosen to leave that form of social media indefinitely. In the last month and a half of being away, I have had richer times with those I love, more focused times of prayer and study, I've read actual books and I have been more at peace than I have in a long time. I still put up photos on Instagram but I'm seriously considering a "real life" series because I've managed to dupe everyone into believing that I live in some tropical paradise instead of a dirty, crime filled city (even though I really do think the city is beautiful) and I think a little realism might make us all feel a little better.

I don't know what, if any, changes you need to make. But it's worth taking a look at your social media habits, your motives behind using social media and how it's impacting your relationships and your own sanity. Ask yourself and then make the changes you need to make so that you can be fully present when your child says their first word or when your friend loses a child or even for the everyday joys of life like the first snowfall, a beautiful sunset or snuggling your kids.

Today, take a step towards genuine connection... call a friend or write a letter or pop over to see a loved one and make that connection with those that mean the most to you.

Sabbatical

I took my first ever sabbatical this year and today is my first day back. For one month I stepped away from the ministry entirely, didn't read one email or make one phone call. For two weeks I was able to not work at all and for one week I went completely off the grid. There are a lot of observations from this time that I want to share and rather than write some lengthy post I'll try to put them in a neat and concise list... let's see how I do...

• Most Americans don't understand the word sabbatical. Many people asked me why I was taking the sabbatical as if they thought something bad must have happened like I was burnt out or was being disciplined. It was incredibly foreign to think that I was simply obeying the Scriptures by taking a time of rest. 
• If you really want to rest, you should get as far away from your "real" life as possible.  Go somewhere where you can let your guard down, where you don't have to be "on" all the time, where you can be reminded of the simplicity and joy of life. If you're like me go somewhere where you can sip tea with a good friend, snuggle the most adorable kids in the worlds and take naps after getting 10 hours of sleep the night before. 
• Not everyone can take a month off from their job, I get that. But take time to rest, be it an hour or a day or a week...find time to rest, reflect and relish in all the beauty of life that would otherwise pass you by. 
• As often as you can go off the grid. I struggle with anxiety and a lot of it is social anxiety. I am worried about what people think or don't think, what I said or shouldn't have said. I made a few decisions for sabbatical, I went off Facebook completely, when I traveled I didn't check my email at all (2 weeks, no email and everyone survived!), and for one week I had my phone completely turned off. No texts, phone calls, instagramming...nothing. That may have been the best week of my life, I was able to rest and relax and let go of all the things I was anxious about because after all, I couldn't do anything about it anyways. I was able to be fully in the moment, fully in conversation with dear friends, fully invested in reading to the kids or snuggling. If I can encourage you to do anything....it would be unplug for however long you can and allow yourself to just be, right where you are. 
• Pray for those who are filling in the gaps in your absence. Pray for them to be encouraged and strengthened to have wisdom and discernment. Pray for them and trust the Lord, this is His work and He can manage fine without you for a month. After your done praying for them, thank God for them and their willingness and ability to give you a time of rest. And make sure when you get back that you thank them in person because after all they may not all be reading this blog! 
• Be intentional in spending time with the Lord. Seek his face and trust that he will meet you. Ask. Ask to be refreshed, renewed, to know him more, to see his goodness and faithfulness. Read a book that challenges you, journal and pray. He is waiting for you and has given you this time to refresh you both physically and spiritually so take it all in! 

I pray that you find time to rest, that you will make time to rest and that you will be blessed abundantly for your faithfulness.