Vulnerability

"Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage" Brene Brown

God has called me into great vulnerabiltiy over the last couple of years, I have had this "vulnerability hangover" that author Brene Brown mentions, on more occasions than not. I have felt raw and exposed and anything but brave. One definition I found of brave was; Ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage. I have been given the opportunity (doesn't that word make it sound a lot more fun??) to face pain and even danger on multiple occasions in the last few years. One of the most incredible things about each of these situations was that in facing what I feared most and often finding that my fears were in fact founded, I also made it through. The things I feared the most didn't kill me or destroy me and in facing my fears, in sitting in that place of pain and doubt and looking for God's presence in the midst of it, I most often found healing.

 I think if we knew what we were asking for when we asked for healing, we might hesitate. We think healing will come as God floods our life with joy and answered prayers that will make up for all we have lost or feel we are lacking. And in a sense, it will, but most often the joy comes as we realize His presence in the midst of our suffering and questions, as the psalmist says, "in His presence is the fullness of joy", fewer things draw us into God's presence more than our desperate need for him in times of suffering. I absolutely believe God works through our vulnerability. As we open ourselves to God and others we are able to be changed, to grow, to heal, to ask hard questions, to dream, to hope, to live. We learn that we belong to one another, that we are seen and heard and loved in the truest version of ourselves.

One more thing I want to say is how grateful I am for those who have helped me live into this. Those who have listened as I've shared my thoughts in ways that are disjointed and often confusing. Who have sat with me as I've cried. Your presence in my life is invaluable and is what allows me to be courageous. With all my heart, thank you. May each of us be a safe place for others to show how courageous they are.

Sabbatical

I took my first ever sabbatical this year and today is my first day back. For one month I stepped away from the ministry entirely, didn't read one email or make one phone call. For two weeks I was able to not work at all and for one week I went completely off the grid. There are a lot of observations from this time that I want to share and rather than write some lengthy post I'll try to put them in a neat and concise list... let's see how I do...

• Most Americans don't understand the word sabbatical. Many people asked me why I was taking the sabbatical as if they thought something bad must have happened like I was burnt out or was being disciplined. It was incredibly foreign to think that I was simply obeying the Scriptures by taking a time of rest. 
• If you really want to rest, you should get as far away from your "real" life as possible.  Go somewhere where you can let your guard down, where you don't have to be "on" all the time, where you can be reminded of the simplicity and joy of life. If you're like me go somewhere where you can sip tea with a good friend, snuggle the most adorable kids in the worlds and take naps after getting 10 hours of sleep the night before. 
• Not everyone can take a month off from their job, I get that. But take time to rest, be it an hour or a day or a week...find time to rest, reflect and relish in all the beauty of life that would otherwise pass you by. 
• As often as you can go off the grid. I struggle with anxiety and a lot of it is social anxiety. I am worried about what people think or don't think, what I said or shouldn't have said. I made a few decisions for sabbatical, I went off Facebook completely, when I traveled I didn't check my email at all (2 weeks, no email and everyone survived!), and for one week I had my phone completely turned off. No texts, phone calls, instagramming...nothing. That may have been the best week of my life, I was able to rest and relax and let go of all the things I was anxious about because after all, I couldn't do anything about it anyways. I was able to be fully in the moment, fully in conversation with dear friends, fully invested in reading to the kids or snuggling. If I can encourage you to do anything....it would be unplug for however long you can and allow yourself to just be, right where you are. 
• Pray for those who are filling in the gaps in your absence. Pray for them to be encouraged and strengthened to have wisdom and discernment. Pray for them and trust the Lord, this is His work and He can manage fine without you for a month. After your done praying for them, thank God for them and their willingness and ability to give you a time of rest. And make sure when you get back that you thank them in person because after all they may not all be reading this blog! 
• Be intentional in spending time with the Lord. Seek his face and trust that he will meet you. Ask. Ask to be refreshed, renewed, to know him more, to see his goodness and faithfulness. Read a book that challenges you, journal and pray. He is waiting for you and has given you this time to refresh you both physically and spiritually so take it all in! 

I pray that you find time to rest, that you will make time to rest and that you will be blessed abundantly for your faithfulness.