My Love/Hate relationship with Social Media

Social media is pretty amazing and has changed our world in many ways. We get the news before the news gets the news, we can know the thoughts of just about anyone at almost any given moment, we can keep in touch with friends on other continents almost in real time and the list goes on...

There are a lot of reasons I don't like social media. The two main reasons are it highlights my insecurities and makes my brain a little crazy and it often causes me to feel negative feelings towards others as their thoughts, opinions and experiences are expressed aside from their actual selves and a genuine life context. I don't like feeling insecure and judgy so sometimes I'm not a huge fan of social media. 

BUT, that's not why I'm writing this blog post. One of the reasons I DO like social media is it gives an opportunity for our voices to be heard. And at this point in history we need to speak up and take advantage of the fact that we can easily be heard. When I hear people (especially those in power) say that we should turn on an entire group of people based on their religion (race, gender, etc.) as we have heard in the last few days I think about the opportunity we have to stand up for those groups of people. 

Today there are people spreading hate and inciting fear against entire groups of people. Most notably Muslims. I hope that we will make our voices heard when we say "I stand with Muslims". Our neighbors, our fellow humans created by God and thereby given infinite value and worth.

Today people are fearful and turning their fear into hatred of others. Fear is blinding and when we give into it we easily forget who we are and what is really valuable. But I hope our voices will be heard when we say "Perfect love casts out all fear". Because love is greater and more powerful than fear. Love heals, love frees and love gives sacrificially.

Today people are closing their borders and their hearts to millions of displaced refugees, to those fleeing from the violence we are suspicious of them for. I hope they will hear us when we say "our home is your home". Everything we have is a gift and we have no greater right to safety and freedom than any other human being. I hope that those seeking a place where they and their children will be safe or at least have a chance to survive, will find shelter with us.

I hope the voices of unity, love, safety and freedom will be louder than those of hate, division, violence and oppression. I am a Christian and I long to love like Christ. It's costly and difficult and often I fail, but I hope that as I speak and act people will hear the voice of Jesus as he says, "let them know you by your love...bless those who persecute you...love your enemies...love your neighbor as yourself...greater love has no one than this than to lay down one's life for his friends." 

So thanks social media, for letting my voice be heard today. 

Following The Rules- My Messy Beautiful

I used to think life had a formula, x+y= success. So if I could just figure out what x and y were, I'd have everything I wanted and live a pain free and joy filled life. I don't know if you've ever taken Algebra, but solving for x and y seems to be an endless and impossible task!

I began thinking this way after my first major heartbreak. You know that first love that absolutely takes over your world? You are elated and terrified all at the same time because you've never been so happy and you're afraid of what will happen if that feeling goes away. And then, it does. And when heartbreak comes we have two choices; we can sit in our pain, feel it to the depths of our soul and slowly allow healing to come or we can close ourselves off from feeling at all, making sure we never feel pain again, or anything else for that matter. The choice I made was the latter. I built up a strong fortress around myself so that no one else could hurt me. I came up with a list of rules for any potential suitors, rules that were impossible, rules that were never meant for human relationship, rules that would lead to my next heartbreak...

I followed the rules and my world came crashing down. And through the wreckage I began to see that life in it's most beautiful state is messy and unorganized and not at all what I expected.

I followed my rules to an engagement. An engagement to the wrong person. Unfortunately, one of my rules was that you could not break off an engagement. In breaking my rules I learned about true grace. I learned that it's ok to be flawed and messy. I learned to sit in my pain, in my confusion and doubt and wait for the crashing waves to grow smaller and smaller and finally recede. I learned to love and be loved. I learned to forgive. I learned to be ok with unanswered questions and that I didn't have to have all the answers.

I wanted to be pleasing to God and to others and so I defined that role myself. But at the end of the day all God wants from me is me. He wants my messy, overly critical, insecure, too quick to speak self. He doesn't want me to clean myself up, that's His job. He doesn't want perfection, He doesn't need it and knows it's not possible. And at the end of the day others don't want my perfection either. They want to see my humanity. They want to know that they aren't the only ones who struggle, who fail over and over again, who doubt, who hurt and hurt others. They want me to be human with them.

And isn't it what we all want at our core? To be known and loved anyways. To be seen for your true self and still thought that you're beautiful? To be able to reveal the ugliest parts of your soul and still be embraced? It's in this place that I find my messy beautiful.