Tear Ducts

I cry a lot. It's kind of annoying, even for me, ok, especially for me. I wish I had better control of my tear ducts but that seems to be one thing I really can't conquer. They are just independent and stubborn and relentless.

I don't necessarily cry without reason. Life is painful. And I believe some of us feel it a little more acutely than others. We feel it with others and for others and of course, for ourselves. And never mind the reckless hormones and sleeves with hearts on them.

This year I've been to four funerals. Spent more than a dozen days in three different hospitals with three different people. Had my heart broken in more ways than one. Life can be really painful.

But I've also seen loved ones healed, welcomed new babies into the world, had my heart healed in ways I never thought possible.

All of the above invoke tears. I sometimes wonder if my tear ducts are broken or loose or something? I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I just feel anything at all. And maybe it's awkward sometimes and makes people feel uncomfortable but I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the ability to feel. Along with the intense pain that life often brings, I feel a deep joy that I might not know otherwise.

It can be exhausting and overwhelming, feeling so much. Very few things are meaningless or easy to let go of. It can work in the negative. I can become hardened when I'm hurt. And even though I know I can easily fall into the despair of overwhelming emotions, I also know God can pull me through, can soften my heart and renew my strength.

One of the most treasured attributes of Jesus was compassion. Compassion means "to suffer with". I'd like to think that I have compassionate tear ducts, suffering with others, feeling with them both the joys and the sorrows.

And maybe it's annoying or makes people uncomfortable but I have to believe that some people are grateful because it gives them the freedom to feel as well. To cry for "no reason" or when their hearts are broken or when they've received the best news ever.  It's been said that vulnerability isn't the absence of strength, but a necessary part of it. Loose tear ducts might not be such a bad thing after all...

Being Brave

I am not by nature a very brave person. I am what has been described of me as "polite". Meaning, I tend to be quiet in social settings, I won't interrupt or talk over someone, I don't usually offer opinions unless directly asked. I won't strike up a conversation with a stranger. I am often reserved in expressing my feelings for fear of all sorts of things; rejection, offending someone, not expressing myself clearly. But this year, actually just these last few months I have decided to be brave. I have friends who are really brave and while it might be awkward and uncomfortable for a moment, they often times get really incredible results from speaking up. Like tickets to a game they wanted to go to or a date with someone they thought was attractive or a promotion or a new friendship. There's a song that became very popular this year by Sara Barellis called "Brave" and the chorus says "say what you want to say and let the words fall out, honestly, I want to see you be brave". I have found myself singing that to myself every time I feel scared to say something. So I've been more brave this year and it has been awkward and scary and I don't always get the results I hope for but I also have less "what ifs?" to wrestle with and more confidence and I believe stronger relationships as my new found bravery breaks through the walls we've built up to protect ourselves and allows love to grow.

How can you be brave today?