How Making a Bad Decision Helped Me See God's Grace

The last couple of years have been hard. Most of the time I have felt like a lot of the hard things were happening TO me and out of my control. Now I know that's usually not entirely true but it was often how I felt.

This last week, I made a bad decision. In a split second of time, I made the wrong decision. It was stupid. It had consequences. It was scary and painful and it's effects will weigh out into the future.

Two things happened in that moment. One, I knew I made the wrong decision. It was stupid and foolish. But even though I knew all those things to be true, I also knew I wasn't stupid or bad or foolish. I wasn't going to be defined by that one decision. I am so grateful for this truth and grateful that I actually believe it. This, is grace. 

The second, was that the consequences of my decision were far less than they could have been. It could have been so so so much worse. Did God prevent consequences entirely? No. Could He have? Sure. But I saw God's protection and grace in that moment more than I have in a long time. Protection and grace that have always been there, in every circumstance, but that I wasn't always able to see.  It caused me to think about all the other hard things I'd experienced recently; about how there are so many things I don't see and understand, about how others need grace as much as I do, about how so many things are working together mysteriously for good even when the ending isn't what we'd hoped for. This, is grace. 

Now all of this is still a mystery to me and I won't pretend it doesn't still hurt but there's comfort in the grace of God, there's comfort in the presence of God and a God who is faithful even when we are faithless.

I hope that when you look at your life, when you look in the mirror, you don't see one or even many bad choices you might have made but you see the grace and beauty of God, in whose image you are made. I hope you see that grace overcomes, grace overwhelms, grace heals and gives new life even among the ruins.

Love you friends,
Jen

They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. Isaiah 61:4

Vocabulary Matters

There is a way of thinking which sometimes comes down to a simple word choice, that is widespread in the church that grieves me. It's subtle and sounds so close to the truth it's easy to buy into it. But once you do, it will change everything. What seems like a harmless, at worst, half truth can change how we relate to God and others completely.

Ready for it? Here it is.

You, are not worthy.

Because grace is free and we are sinners saved by grace through faith...how can we possibly be worthy?

We are well-meaning. We say "I am unworthy of God's love, of his grace, of forgiveness."
But there is a problem with our vocabulary and it matters.

We are worthy and the price paid for us by our Savior screams that at us. Are we deserving? No. But worthy? Your worth could not be placed at a higher value.

How do we know what something is worth? One of the best ways I've understood this idea is this; the computer you're reading this on probably cost you around $1,000 because it was worth it to you to pay that much. What we are willing to pay for something defines it's worth.

So, how worthy are you? God, who created the heavens and the earth, who is all powerful, all knowing, who is love, who is just and holy... gave his only Son for you. Your worth is of infinite value,  and of the greatest cost.

What I deserve and what I am worth are two different conversations with the same happy ending, because of Jesus.

As someone who has personally struggled with knowing my worth and value I'm hopeful that we'll  change our vocabulary. That one word, misused, can send a message that is crippling in our relationship to God and others. We must know that we are worthy because God has made us so. Only then can we be free to respond to the love and forgiveness offered to us from God himself and from others.

If you want to say you are undeserving of God's love and forgiveness because you can't somehow do something to deserve it, by all means. But NEVER, have you been, unworthy. The God who loves you and created you has ascribed the highest worth to you by laying down his life for yours.


"Since you were precious in My sight; you have been honored and I have loved you, therefore I will give men for you and people for your life." Isaiah 43:4