I loved with expectation. Not of the return of that love or praise of that love, well, not solely for that. I loved believing that my love was enough. Enough to heal, enough to replace decades of losses, enough to soften a heart.
A few weeks ago I wrote about deep rooted idols. Things and people we allow to take the space in our hearts meant only for the one who created them. There is perhaps a greater temptation... Our belief that we can take that place in someone else's heart. That we are the answer for them.
After months of praying, and "dying to myself" I was devastated when I wasn't enough. My love didn't heal past hurts, didn't sweeten the bitterness or melt the hardness. My love wasn't enough.
Frustrated. Hurt. Bewildered. How foolish we are when we think we are the answer, how devastatingly crushing it would be if we were. The weight of another human heart is not something we can carry. We can't heal, restore and redeem. There is but One.
Perhaps our attempts to carry only increase the load for the burden bearer. Perhaps we have but to step back, palms up and empty, knees bent, head bowed and allow our Savior, Redeemer to carry both of us.
Pride and foolishness drive us, we want to be wanted, needed. We can never be enough and what ruin would find us if we were expected to be so.
And so, we let go. We look to the One. We point others to Him. We trust, we wait, we hope. He is more than enough, more than able and delights to deliver us, us and those we love.
"He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters. He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support. He brought me into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me." Psalm 18:16-19
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