Tear Ducts

I cry a lot. It's kind of annoying, even for me, ok, especially for me. I wish I had better control of my tear ducts but that seems to be one thing I really can't conquer. They are just independent and stubborn and relentless.

I don't necessarily cry without reason. Life is painful. And I believe some of us feel it a little more acutely than others. We feel it with others and for others and of course, for ourselves. And never mind the reckless hormones and sleeves with hearts on them.

This year I've been to four funerals. Spent more than a dozen days in three different hospitals with three different people. Had my heart broken in more ways than one. Life can be really painful.

But I've also seen loved ones healed, welcomed new babies into the world, had my heart healed in ways I never thought possible.

All of the above invoke tears. I sometimes wonder if my tear ducts are broken or loose or something? I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I just feel anything at all. And maybe it's awkward sometimes and makes people feel uncomfortable but I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the ability to feel. Along with the intense pain that life often brings, I feel a deep joy that I might not know otherwise.

It can be exhausting and overwhelming, feeling so much. Very few things are meaningless or easy to let go of. It can work in the negative. I can become hardened when I'm hurt. And even though I know I can easily fall into the despair of overwhelming emotions, I also know God can pull me through, can soften my heart and renew my strength.

One of the most treasured attributes of Jesus was compassion. Compassion means "to suffer with". I'd like to think that I have compassionate tear ducts, suffering with others, feeling with them both the joys and the sorrows.

And maybe it's annoying or makes people uncomfortable but I have to believe that some people are grateful because it gives them the freedom to feel as well. To cry for "no reason" or when their hearts are broken or when they've received the best news ever.  It's been said that vulnerability isn't the absence of strength, but a necessary part of it. Loose tear ducts might not be such a bad thing after all...