What We Aren't Posting

What We Aren't Posting
I'm not the first to address this issue but it's been a pressing one for me these last few weeks so I'm going to put my two cents in on it as well. We all know that we put our best selves forward on social media. That we give just enough information to make it look like we're being vulnerable without actually being vulnerable. Or we're the opposite and we rant and rave and drive everyone crazy because we are giving way too much information. The problem is, it isn't real life. What's real is that I slept 4 hours last night because I was in incredible amounts of pain, that I got pulled over for speeding (but let off with a warning...whew!), that I'm not feeling great about myself because I put on a few vacation pounds (and I'd do it again! Countless helpings of the worlds best fudge were totally worth a few days of feeling kind of frumpy.) and was rejected by two different guys in the last month. Yea...you didn't see me instagramming any of that stuff. A nice muffin top picture would be fun though wouldn't it? ;)

So you saw all my beautiful sunset pictures and my adorable nephew and shots of me at Disneyland and ball games and you thought "she is living the life! I wish I had it that good!" And you're right, my life is really, really good but it's not perfect and there is a lot of heartache and frustration that I just didn't feel like any Instagram filter could fix.

In addition to the lack of contentment social media can bring as we compare our severely average lives to the apparently perfect lives of all our "friends" it can also bring a fair amount of social anxiety...at least for me.
With every word or photo I worry...who will see it? What will they think? Should I have said it a different way? Not at all? On and on and on. I lose genuine connection with my friends in exchange for a virtual, borderline imaginary, social connection. I say imaginary because much of what is happening is all in my mind based on my own fears and insecurities and not based on actual fact. So instead of spending time reading actual books, having conversations with those who actually love me or praying and growing spiritually, I am consumed with anxiety and constantly looking for someone to alleviate it as if just one more like of my extremely witty status will validate my worth as a human. But it won't. There's a lot to think about here; one issue is how social media is impacting our relationships (and let's face it our mental stability) and the other is where our worth and value actually comes from.

Our Relationships

I think social media can be really great. I have friends all over the world and I love that I can connect with them, hear details of their everyday life and see photos almost in real time through social media. I also love how social media has connected me to friends from the past who I might never have heard from again. But I think there are some major pitfalls in that social media creates an illusion of connectedness. We may have a 1,000 "friends" but still wind up sitting home alone most nights. We may have dozens of social interactions in a day and yet we've had no genuine heart connection with anyone. We are still doing life alone, we are crying in the bathroom alone, we are rejoicing in our office alone and no amount of likes on our status or followers or our blog will ever make up for the actual presence of a friend.

And let's talk about when we are with our friends or family but still find it necessary to check the status updates of our other friends and miss a valuable connection with the person sitting right in front of us. We have almost lost the ability to sit with one another, look each other in the eye and just be with one another. I'm as guilty of this as the next person but I'm trying really hard to learn to be present in the moment and to give my loved ones the attention they deserve.

Our Worth
There is only one person who defines your worth, it's the one who created you. God alone gives you worth and your value is infinite because of Him. It's not based on you saying the right thing or always looking your best, it's based on who He is. Your value is intrinsic and does not change with a new day, new blog post or photo. You can rest in that fact and stop striving, stop worrying and maybe just maybe put your phone down for a few minutes and thank God for loving you lavishly and being more than enough. Not only is He enough for you, but you... are enough.

What Now?
As I mentioned, I think there are some great reasons to use social media and it's almost impossible not to in some form because that is the way the world operates today. But we can change our habits and our ways of thinking. I have a very all or nothing personality. It is really hard for me to do things in moderation so if it is harmful in someway I usually have to opt not to do it all. As I have noticed a fair amount of social anxiety and a severe amount of distraction from using facebook I have chosen to leave that form of social media indefinitely. In the last month and a half of being away, I have had richer times with those I love, more focused times of prayer and study, I've read actual books and I have been more at peace than I have in a long time. I still put up photos on Instagram but I'm seriously considering a "real life" series because I've managed to dupe everyone into believing that I live in some tropical paradise instead of a dirty, crime filled city (even though I really do think the city is beautiful) and I think a little realism might make us all feel a little better.

I don't know what, if any, changes you need to make. But it's worth taking a look at your social media habits, your motives behind using social media and how it's impacting your relationships and your own sanity. Ask yourself and then make the changes you need to make so that you can be fully present when your child says their first word or when your friend loses a child or even for the everyday joys of life like the first snowfall, a beautiful sunset or snuggling your kids.

Today, take a step towards genuine connection... call a friend or write a letter or pop over to see a loved one and make that connection with those that mean the most to you.