Is This Really The Goal?

Is this really the goal?

This blog post is a response to this article about modesty which was published in World Magazine. You should start by reading the article first, then my thoughts below. 

I have to believe that the heart of the woman writing this article is one of love but sadly I think she completely misses the point in addressing the issue of modesty.  In her final words of the article she admonishes Christian women to “modesty” and to teach the younger women to do likewise. Her goal: “to deter sin”. “So even though women and teenage girls can show little or no flesh and still be the object of lust, Christian women should do their part, even in this age of political correctness, to deter sin by dressing modestly and encouraging their younger sisters in Christ to do likewise.” 

The longer I walk with Jesus the more I realize that sin deterrence is a man-made goal that is accomplished most often in our own flesh. I’m also mindful of how sad and hopeless life would be if “sin deterrence” were the goal.

There are so many important aspects of this article that miss the mark or are simply ignored.

First, we cannot make modesty a women’s issue only…it’s NOT! Men need to be challenged in the same way unless all the women of the world would like to stand up right now and say they’ve never been attracted to a shirtless man…oh, no one wants to stand up? If we’re going to talk about modesty we have to address both genders.

Second, the author says this statement which I can hardly fathom she would believe if she actually knew any teenage girls, “While it’s true that teenage girls are well aware of their power of attractiveness…” Do you know what teenage girls are aware of? How inadequate they are and always will be. Trust me, even the most beautiful girls in the world are still thinking they are not enough. What if we spent our time teaching young women about their infinite value and worth and who they are in Christ rather than all the things they are not to do or be?

Third, how about we be excited that these young women (and I’m assuming men too) are out doing healthy activities with other kids who are trying to make good choices rather than critique their every move? One thing that’s sure to drive the youth out of our churches is coming to them with a heart of judgment. I’m assuming you didn’t come to Christ perfect because then what would be your need for him and if that’s true than you have issues too, they might just not be so obvious.

Lastly, let’s not let those these “short-shorted girls” may have “caused” to stumble off so easily. We all make our choices; we choose what we look at and how we look at people. I once asked a pastor that I work with and greatly respect about whether or not an image we were using for our ministry would cause men to stumble and he said, “Jen, men see what they want to see, they are responsible for what they look at and what they do with that image.” I am not trying to be insensitive here, I get that we need to help each other I do, but I think we need to deal with the heart issues rather than a list of rules that “deter sin”. God has called us to freedom and abundant life not to simply narrowly escape sin. For a great perspective from a man on this topic click here As this author states we hinder ourselves from arriving at real biblical solutions when we believe this notion, “  It is the notion that all men lust, hopelessly and helplessly.”

Where are our hearts at and what are we teaching our youth? Are we looking at them with love and compassion or with judgment and condemnation? Are we teaching them who they are in Christ and the infinite value they have that they might walk in confidence in Christ and also value others in the same way? It is true that Jesus said, “if you love me, you’ll obey my commandments.” Do you know what the first and most important commandment is according to Jesus? To love God.  It’s not a long list of rules that somehow make us more Christian than others if we can manage to follow them (which we can’t).  We love because God first loved us, it’s love not condemnation that births in us a desire to obey God. It’s kindness that leads us to repentance. Writing an article in a Christian magazine that makes judgment on a group of young Christian women and their families is not likely to lead to more obedience or repentance. Let’s look at it this way, this woman saw these girls and judged them based on what they were wearing, she “expected more of them”. Let’s turn that on ourselves for a minute and say I’m a Christian from the projects in the inner city and I just arrived at a church in the suburbs. In the parking lot I see BMWs, Mercedes, nice trucks, old vintage cars. My first thought is, “obviously these people don’t really want to honor God because if they did they would listen to all of His teaching about caring for the poor and giving up all that you have to follow Him. Clearly these believers are caught up in materialism and aren’t honoring God.” How are we feeling now? Defensive of ourselves and those we love?  Sure that if they only knew our hearts they would see how much we genuinely love God and others? My point is that whatever the issue is, I don’t believe God would use shame and condemnation to lead us to obedience, to lead us to His heart. Let’s also consider that while we may have “mastered modesty” we are seriously lacking in other areas because we are human. There has to be room for growth no matter how long we’ve walked with the Lord, who our parents are or what church we go to… no one has it altogether. What if we just rejoiced that teenagers were showing up for church at all, were wearing shirts that represented Jesus (do you know how many adults would NEVER wear a Jesus t-shirt for fear of persecution???). I’ve never seen a perfect person in a church, I’ve never seen a perfect person wearing a Christian shirt or a cross necklace and I’ve never thought they weren’t worthy of Christ because of their imperfection. It’s our imperfection that Christ came for, that He died for and conquered with the resurrection.

I wholeheartedly believe in teaching modesty but not from a place of fear or shame or legalism but one of love. We dress modestly because we are convinced of our intrinsic worth and are not seeking validation elsewhere, we dress modestly because we love others and would never want to be a stumbling block to a brother or sister. We, men and women, choose to honor ourselves, one another and the Lord with all that we are because we love Him and we recognize His deep, unfailing, unchanging love for us.