Photography

So...I have this fancy (ok, not really at all) little app on my phone called Instagram and I am obsessed! I search for things to photogaph and try to set the scene and I am so delighted when I find just the right lighting! Though I know it sounds crazy and all you professionals are thinking "she has no idea what she's talking about" and you're right...I really want to know! Anyone have any idea how I can learn? I can't go to school full-time or anything but some night classes would be perfect. Let me know if you have any info....

Whose faith is it anyways?

You'll be glad to know I'm just one chapter away from finishing "Within A Yard of Hell" and will move onto new topics soon ;)

That being said, this part of the story caused me to take a step back and look at the role my faith has in the redemption of the women we reach out to..."She had tried to believe that God would deliver Ronald in answer to her prayers, but if it was impossible for Ronald to have an experience of God now*... The clear, expressive voice of Sister Gemmel broke gently in on her grief. 'But my dear, who says it is impossible? Jesus said that with God all things are possible...' Joyce's attention was arrested. 'I'm so sorry my dear, you feel it all so hopeless. I promise you it isn't, though I know its hard for you to realize it at the moment. You are right in what you believe. As I told your husband, the new life in Christ Jesus is the only permanent release to the alcoholic. You and I both believe that. We know it's true, so we must hold on for him. After all, when the four men brought their friend to Jesus and let him down through the roof, it was their faith the Lord marvelled at--we do not read that the man himself had any faith."

So often I pray for the faith of these women to be great that they might be free when perhaps I should have been praying for my own faith to increase on their behalf. The faith to believe that God is able and wiling to pull them out of the depths and draw them unconditionally unto Himself, into the fullness of His grace and mercy.

Lord, I ask that you would increase my faith, that I would "really believe all things are possible with God-with no 'buts'"

*joyce had been told by a Christian Psychologist that her husband would be unable to experience God as an alcholic and she began to believe her....praise God she was wrong.

12 Resolutions for 2012

1) brush and floss AND use that flouride rinse my dentist is alway telling me about so I don't have to hear "you have the cleanest mouth I've ever seen but you have another cavity" at the end of the year again :/
2) )love unconditionally and without restraint
3) take God at His word and stop trying to do things on my own, "move man through God by prayer alone". Thanks Hudson Taylor.
4)stretch before I exercise...maybe even afterwards too
5)read books about those who have gone before
6)read my Bible daily
7)seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness
8)work on my new skillz... knitting, photography, tech deck skillz, shuffling skillz...
9)spend more time with my family
10) take risks
11)worry less about what others think and more about what God thinks
12)write more
13) (oh, I know I said there would only be 12 but considering #12....) eat more vegetables (just seems like a good idea)

Within a Yard of Hell

"Some wish to live within the sound of a church or chapel bell, I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell." C.T. Studd

Though not the most admired man in the history of missions as far as his interpersonal skills go, C.T. Studd took great leaps of faith to reach the lost in places where others would scarcely dare to go.

"Oh come let us go and find them, in the paths of death they roam, at the close of the day 'twil be sweet to say, I have brought some lost one home." This is taken from an old Hymn and quoted in an old missionary biography, the story of Doreen Gemmel a woman from high society who moved to the slums to pursue God and His people...within a yard of hell. Her stories are much like ours, the same women coming and going, sometimes wondering if you will ever see them again, wondering if lasting change is really possible. Plodding away in the field her entire life in the hopes that just one would know her Savior and His redeeming power in her life.

No one is further from God than the next, we are all level at the cross. But it sometimes seems impossible that one of these dear ones would leave behind the only life they've ever known to embrace what promises to be the fullness of life. I do believe that our God is the God of the impossible. He takes what our finite minds and faith could never dream to be possible and brings it to pass with the sweep of His hand in a fashion that we could never imagine.

As we see some of the same faces week after week with little change of circumstance or heart, I find myself wondering if there ever will be. I don't have an answer for that... some may choose Christ in this season, some may on their last day... others never will.

Recently we rejoiced as one of the women made the choice to leave the game and entered a local Christian safe house. What seemed impossible had come to fruition in front of our very eyes. It seems just as the idea settled in I received a call from this same woman that she had left the home. As I scrambled to find her and a new home for her, she disappeared again. I spent the day agonizing in prayer and aimless pacing. I fear greatly for her safety and her soul yet I have to trust our God. I have to trust that He sees her just as He did an outcast Hagar, that He knows her faults and frailties and that He will be faithful even when we are faithless.

As I teach classes for AHM I give statistics such as "a girl will try leave the game on average of 8 times before she gets out for good" yet I can barely fathom having the depth of love to pursue or even welcome one in after 8 times. Yet this is the heart of our God as displayed in His endless pursuit of us, as He called Hosea to receive Gomer as his bride even after countless acts of unfaithfulness. No, I'll never be able to do it...but the Lord will, and if I choose I may be the vessel through which His faithful arm of salvation extends to the very depths to rescue even just one...

"Therefore, behold I will hedge up your way with thorns, and wall her in, so that she cannot find her paths. She will chase her lovers, but not overtake them; yes she will seek them, but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go and return to my first husband, for then it was better for me than now.' For she did not know that I gave her grain, new wine and oil, and multiplied her silver and gold...Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness and speak comfort to her.I will give her her vineyards from there and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, As in the day when she came up form the land of Egypt. And it shall be, in that day, says the Lord, that you will call Me 'My Husband' and no longer call me 'My Master'"
Hosea 2. This....is our God.

After Hours Outreach, December 23rd 2011

Surrounded by handmade scarves, gloves, baked goods and 8 faithful teammates I couldn't help but start off the night with a thankful heart for God's abundant provision.

We split into two teams and headed out to two different tracks.

Our team didn't even make it down half our track before the meet up time. There were a lot of women out and perhaps in the spirit of Christmas many of them were very receptive and even happy to meet us this cold winter night.  We were able to spend some good time with several women hearing their stories, sharing of ours and how the love of God has made a difference, and praying over them.

One of the highlights of the night was running into J, a young woman we have met several times now who always remembers my name :). She is a beautiful girl, so full of life. The first time we met she was afraid that of what I might pray for her and it turned out with good reason. I prayed that God would get her off the streets and she was arrested soon after! She really didn't want me to pray the second time...but I did :) And again, yesterday, for her and the two women with her. One we have also met before and the other whom I had never seen was much more reserved, probably new to the game, feeling vulnerable and fearful but following the other girls lead allowing us into her world in a small way.

The women received the gifts and prayer and J even exchanged numbers with me so I could call her when we are out. Please pray for this young woman, that she would truly believe God and take Him at His word.

Praise God for providing in so many ways and continuing to bless us as we follow His call and by His grace bring light into the darkness and hope to the hopeless.

Merry Christmas!

A Year In Time....2011

"Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the valley of Baca, they make it a spring; the rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion." Psalm84:5-7

December 2010...
This time last year I was in Cambodia (barely...see last years posts) visiting one of my best friends Katherine and praying about whether or not there was a long-term future for me there. While I prayed diligently for this desire birthed by my love for K and the children at COH I knew in my spirit that God had a different plan. But I never could have imagined what would come next.

January...
I had been serving with After Hours Ministry for about three years, a response to a burden God had given me for women in prostitution years before. Upon my return from Cambodia the leaders of AHM told me that they would be stepping down and asked if I would take over. I can't say I was surpised, not because I was at all aware of the circumstances that led up to the decision but because God had prepared my heart. I knew I would be stepping into a greater role in the ministry I just didn't know how. So I was ready and one step of faith at a time moved forward into the clear calling to lead AHM.

March...
As I was pulling out of the parking lot at school one afternoon I saw that I had a message from my Dad. He was calling from home in the middle of the afternoon and asked that I call them (he and my stepmom) back as soon as possible. I knew something was wrong. It was the phone call I had been dreading. I don't know why, I guess it just comes with getting older but the last couple of years I've feared the loss of one of my parents in a way I hadn't before. My stepmom had cancer. It was in her uterus and they were going to be able to do surgery to remove the tumor. Though the prognosis was good, it changed things for me, for us as a family. It caused us to consider that we might not have tomorrow and to make the most of today. The day of the surgery came and we were all together and Grace (that's my stepmom) made it through with flying colors, cancer free!

July...
My sister is 22 months older than me and my best friend in the whole world. We have been through everything together. And though we didn't always get along (especially in the teen years) we have been there for each other through everything... the devasting times filled with middle of the night phone calls and unending tears and the joyful times of celebration and hope.
This July, my beautiful sister got married. A second marriage for both, they blended their families and my sister went from being a mom of one to a mom of three. I of course gained a beautiful niece and nephew and couldn't have been happier at the union.

September...
My sister delivered my nephew Noah (that makes four!) 6 weeks early. There are a few spectacular things about the coming of Noah into the world 1) I was there to witness his entrance, an absolutely incredible moment that I will always cherish 2) he was six weeks early! That is too early!
Noah spent the next 2 weeks in the NICU and our family took turns accompanying my sister to the hospital and helping with the kids. Then Noah came home! He is healthy and growing strong and we are so blessed by our newest addition! :)

November...
Remember that dreadful phone call? Imagine getting it twice in one year. This time it wasn't my Stepmom  but my Dad. He went in to the ER for abdominal pain and long story short, discovered that he had a very rare form of pancreatic cancer. The next few weeks were filled with many emotions...there were so many unknowns and it was difficult not to think of the worst. I couldn't help thinking that our time might be short together and began to mourn the possibility of  a future without my dad. Several tests and doctors visits later the doctors assured us that with treatment my Dad would most likely do quite well and have many years to come. With that news in mind we all took a big sigh of relief despite the fact that there are still many tests to be done and many more unknowns.
Not to go out of order but I'm reminded of a prayer I prayed regularly this last summer... "Lord, help me to love my family better". He often answers in the most unexpected ways, what I mean by that is He didn't simply change my heart in a moment so that I became more loving instead He took our family through times of heartache that we (I) might realize the incredible gift we have in one another and begin to truly cherish each moment which is a gift from above.

December...
God gave AHM an incredible Christmas gift... one of the women we had been praying for got out of the game and into a safe house. We are overwhelmed with thankfulness at the goodness and faithfulness of our God. Please keep M in your prayers and she begins her new life (see previous post "a story of hope" for more details)

And here we are, the end of another year. I have no idea what 2012 holds but I am ready with anticipation for the good plans the Lord has for me and I am filled to overflowing with thankfulness for all that He has done.

Looking to Him,

Jen

A Story of Hope

December 13th, 2011

Graham crackers and frosting, it's one of my favorite snacks. I was happily partaking in this delicious treat on my lunch break when a call came in from an unknown number. Like most of you I'm always hesitant to answer unknown calls but considering our ministry, I always do.

God's timing is perfect. Any other time of day and I would have been busy engaging a classroom full of teens and preteens hoping to maintain sanity for just one more day. But it was lunchtime (did iI mention that? I really like food :) ) and I was ready as ever for what would come next.

The voice on the other end was unsure and quiet, "is this a helpline?" "Yes!" I replied as I quickly swallowed a mouth full of graham crackers. " I want out of this life and I heard you can help, I'm ready to go today."

And ready she was. M had packed a few belongings and snuck away while her pimp was out. As soon as she was safe she called me. I gave her a number to call for a safe house and called the woman who runs it to let her know she should expect a call. Within 2 hours she had been picked up and was being taken to safety.

As she waited we talked more and she told me pieces of her story. She has a daughter who just turned five and lives with her Grandmother. M told me of how she grieved missing yet another birthday, another Thanksgiving and that this would be the last.

She had been with her pimp for 3 years and had tried to leave before, running to a friend or a local motel, he always found her and with threats of violence or manipulation she returned with him. Not this time, this time she would go where he couldn't find her and where she could start fresh. This morning had been the last straw, after years of abuse physically and emotionally, he threatened her with a gun this morning. She could have continued hiding in terror but somehow found the strength to run, to run towards freedom and...hope.

Hope is hard to come by in the life. All you've even known is a life of worthlessness and abuse, you have little skills or education, those closest to you have betrayed you. Hope is the greatest need for with even a glimmer of hope comes the possibility of a greater life.

In the middle of our conversation she said, "I've talked to you before, my number was different then." I immediately knew who she was, a young woman we'd been praying for the last several months and had lost contact with. I couldn't believe it was really her, I had feared the worst when we lost contact, knowing how dangerous her pimp was and here she was, not just alive but taking a step toward true life, the life God had intended for her.

We stayed on the line until just before the rescue team got there. Later she called me from her new home, her voice still quiet but this time rather than fear, there was a sense of peace maybe even... a sense of hope. She left a message thanking me and assuring me I would hear from her in the coming days.

The coming days...they will be some of the most difficult for M. She will have to face all the pain and suffering of the last several years, unable to numb it with the false affections of others. Her greatest fears may be how she will survive outside of the life or how anyone will ever truly love or accept her.
She won't do it alone, not that she ever was. Jesus has pursued her thus far, He has made a way for her today and ultimately made a way for her by His death on the cross, that she might be eternally loved and accepted by her very Creator. She is His beloved, may that truth take deep root in her heart and be the driving force of her life.

Thank you for praying for M and the countless others who share her story.