a white house and a picket fence...

Yesterday was my last day at Camp 13, the women's prison where I've been serving for over 4 years. As I looked around the table at the faithful women who were there and those who were new and hungry for God's Word, my heart was aching to think I wouldn't be with them for awhile, some of them not til we reach heaven. It has been such an incredible blessing to be a part of the lives of the women coming in and out of prison and to see the Lord so often completely renew their hearts during that time. I am really going to miss my time there yet I am confident that God is moving me into a new season and is asking me to slowly let go of certain things and trust Him for the next step. I have ideas about what will be next but really I feel pretty clueless...just sort of a restlessness that says to me, "start moving and I will show you..."
Not that God always works the same way but at almost every major turning point in my life, things have moved really quickly...I will be moving in one direction, my heart is stirred and sometimes within in a few weeks my whole world is turned upside down....in a good way :)



Not a lot of things make sense right now...well, they hardly ever do! I love my roommates but none of us are committed to stay and if we do our rent is going to raise and we may have to commit to something that our hearts are not releasing us to. But if we don't do that....what do we do? I'm so thankful that Jesus knows! Seriously every time things start falling into place...there is a new variable, a new area where I can learn to trust Jesus even more. I am more and more convinced that this earth is not my home...the longing is for a heavenly place and the uncertainty of life only further cements that desire.



oh!...what's with the title? I was thinking about the "American Dream" yesterday and how I've never really longed for it and because I often don't think so straight "white house and picket fence" came to mind. Alright, scratch that...I longed for only the American dream to the detail until I got to college. I grew up with plans to go to medical school, after that get married, have a family and buy myself and all the rest of my family a nice house with all the money I was making:) When I came to the Lord in high school my relationship with him was still pretty shallow...I knew God loved me and was VERY excited about that, but that's basically where it ended. When I got to college I was challenged to make Jesus Lord of my life...obeying in that decision has radically changed my life forever. I soon knew that medical school was not for me and after going overseas for 5 weeks one summer I began to feel that I may never really feel "at home" anywhere except... everywhere??? Every country I went to....I fell in love and wanted to stay forever....God had changed my heart and given me a heart to follow Him wherever. I remember telling my family that a house with a picket fence wasn't my desire and probably wouldn't happen, they, not understanding my heart fully, would say, "oh hunny, you will have one!" My family thought that I had simply given up on my dreams, when in reality I had embraced even greater dreams...God has taken me to places I never dreamed of going, He's allowed me to be a part of His work in some of the darkest places, He's grown my faith as He has provided at every step and worked ALL things to good.



I'm not saying I'm opposed to white picket fences, if someone gives me one...I might take it! But I sort of hope it's either in a jungle or maybe in the middle of a bustling Metropolis. Although I long for a family of my own, I'm thankful for all the family He has given me and I am learning to trust more and more with each decision that He knows my desires and has good plans. The beauty of walking with Jesus is it really is an adventure, I never know what He's going to do next, but I know He will remain the same. Yesterday I was teaching in Mark 1 and we were talking about the Kingdom of God, there are two parts to receiving it Jesus says, one is repenting, the other is you must believe "in" the gospel, this is different than just believing it...you must trust what it says, that God is who claims to be and that His Word is true.





At the end... I hope to have more of Him and to receive with open hands whatever He brings my way...even white houses and picket fences.

"These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on this earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city." Hebrews 11:13-16

The simple joys

Being awakened to the sound of kids laughing and running is a sweet and simple joy...one that I got to experience this morning :) My friends had to be somewhere from 8 to 5 and asked me to stay with their 4 kids...since they had to leave around 7 I decided to spend the night and start the morning with them.

Breakfast and baths were done by 9am and the kids began their chores mixed in with random play time. I started the dishes and knocked a glass of water all over the clean ones....big surprise! I am probably the clumsiest person I know so....
Next came cries from the other room, "Zoey threw up!" (Zoey is the dog)...ok, dog puke, water spill..check, check

Next I started the laundry...the clothing in the dryer was REALLY loud so I thought I'd check it out....here's what I found: a bracelet, a little red toy car and ....a rock! Haha....2 boys and 2 girls...no surprise! Oh yeah... a stick, a key... make that two and one of those penny souvenirs from disneyland! From the laundry room we hit the trampoline where I proceeded to do the "robot" and say "I'm a robot, I'm talking like a robot"...the kids watched in awe and said, "where did you learn to do that?!" haha

After lunch and watching some Cat in the Hat (the old version) we were so hot we went swimming in the bathtub in our bathing suits....even me :) This activity was filled with "surprise" bubbles, singing "I wish I was a little bar of soap" and well just good old fashioned fun. Ok, I know it's hot here today but seriously what am I thinking desiring to be on a tropical mission field??? Maybe it's God's way of getting me to shower more....TMI!

Next the girls painted their nails and the boys built a fort in the living room...I now have bright pink fingernails and bright blue toenails....totally 80's!

Alright, then the heat got the better of me again...before the nail polish could even dry I loaded the kids in the van for any air conditioned place I could find! We found our way to Target where the kids each bought a $1 toy and I got a lot of "are they ALL yours?!". After about an hour we headed home and as we pulled into the driveway I joyfully discovered that their youngest (who just turned 3) was asleep...aah ...nice! I carried him into the house and laid him down, as I took off his shoes he looked up at me and said, "I no wanna go nigh nigh".... I said, "shh, you don't have to" as he faded back to sleep :)

To finish off the day we made pizzas and watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer! :) I am so blessed to have so many wonderful families in my life and to get to be a part of theirs. Awesome day!

4 kids, 2 dogs, 1 giant trampoline, 1 day...

to be continued... :)

early morning joys

worship music, bacon, breathe and life, close parking spots, the sunrise, the Word, drivers rockin out to their music in cars next to me, a quiet classroom..."And they were to stand every morning, thanking and praising the Lord, and likewise at evening..." 1 Chronicles 23:30

Christmas in Cambodia 2

Many of you have heard or "read" that we are planning to head back to Cambodia this Christmas, so exciting!! Here are some details...

• The main purpose of our trip is to encourage the missionaries who are there and continue to build relationships with those at Children of Hope Orphanage and Water of Life
• As part of our outreach we want to bless all the kids in Children of Hope Orphanage with a personal gift and we'll be matching kids up with those who desire to serve in this way
• We may be involved in several other aspects of the ministry.... medical outreach, outreach to the jungle, teaching English...whatever the Lord brings our way
• Jacqueline and I are committed to going and we are praying if the Lord would have anyone else join us
• The dates for the trip are December 16th-31st, giving us about 10 days on the ground
  
  
  How can you be a part of this?
  
  


• Pray! Really, prayer is our number one need...pray that God will strengthen us in His Spirit and we will be wholly surrendered to Him, Pray for our families as they let us go at Christmas, for good health, for provision in every sense, for God's leading at every step, pray according to Colossians 1:9-12 (see below)


• Adopt an orphan for Christmas! We'd love to connect the ministry in Cambodia with those stateside who may have a heart for the children but are unable to go themselves

Things that I am really excited for...

• Katherine is one of my best friends and is a long term missionary in Cambodia, she lives at the orphanage and has a Cambodian son, our hearts are knit in the Lord and I can't wait to be with her again and hopefully bless her as she blesses countless others


• Jason, just moved to Cambodia and is working in similar ministries and we are excited to see our brother and bring encouragement to him as he hits the 4 month mark of serving there


• The kids... I fell in love! I can't wait to go back and spend time with the kids, especially Srey oun one of the girls who stole my heart... I have been praying to get back to her!


• Watching Jacqueline love and serve the people...she is such an amazing young woman of God, who challenges my heart and my faith... I love watching God work in and through her and feel so privileged to be a part of it.


• The things I don't know about that God will do..."a man's heart plans his way but the Lord directs his steps" Proverbs 16:9

Thank you for praying! If you have any questions or prayer needs feel free to email me anytime standingingrace@gmail.com

"For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience with longsuffering and joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light." Colossians 1:9-12

Full Obedience

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." James 1:22

It may be easy to look at someone who travels the globe for the sake of the gospel or offers all their possesions or time, as one who is a "doer of the word" and in many aspects they may be but what is in their heart is the chief concern. This morning we heard about Saul and his "incomplete obedience" in 1 Samuel 15...how often I am guilty of the same. It may be easy for me to say, "yes, Lord I will follow you...wherever!" but what about my thoughts? my words? Is it not just 2 chapters later where James speaks about taming the tongue? I confess these are areas that "easily beset me", where I feel I am constantly asking for forgiveness and wondering if there will be a day when God will have full reign in these areas. Will I completely obey the Lord or, as Saul did... obey partially and think I have done well? May it be the former...

"In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise." Proverbs 10:19
"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:8,9

I wrote this on Sunday but something was lacking... This morning one of my co-workers was reading her devotional on 1 John 4 (our school's them verses for the year) and she read to me "that nothing can separate us from the love of God" Romans 8 and that guilt, fear, condemnation...these are not of the Lord. These are things I "know" but sometimes I don't really know them. I'm so thankful that His love for me is not dependent on who I am..."God is love" 1 John 4...

Gustavo

A little boy was riding his scooter back and forth, back and forth in front of church last night, he lives in the house next to the church yet I didn't remember seeing him before. Normally I get nervous asking a stranger to church but something about his lingering told me he might want to be asked. I believe that the Holy Spirit will nudge us when He is doing something and I am so thankful when I respond in obedience and get to see Him drawing someone to Himself firsthand!

I introduced myself to the little boy and he shyly did the same and then I asked him if he wanted to come to church and told him what it was like. He looked down and said something I couldn't quite make out, so I asked him if he might like to come sometime even if it wasn't tonight then I ran and grabbed a "you're invited" card with the days and times of our services...he looked it over a few times and said, "let me go ask my mom if I can go tonight" and took off running :)



My new little friend ran back just seconds later saying he could stay! I wanted to be sure and went over to his house with him and told his mom he would be at the church until about 8:30, she kept nodding and saying ok and I realized she probably understood me but didn't speak English very well, then she spoke to him in Spanish and we left. When I took him back to the children's ministry, our director was so excited she had been praying for this family and we later found out he had never been to church before!



Before service began I took two others from our church who speak Spanish fluently to invite his mom to our Sunday Spanish services....what a blessing how God orchestrated and provided!



Well, I picked Gustavo up at 8:30 to walk him back home and he had had a lot of fun and wanted to come back! Praise Jesus! I know we don't necessarily see great miracles everyday but for me these God ordained events are miracles that so encourage my faith and bless my heart. I know that I fail so often each day and that God still allows me to be a part of His work on this earth is so beyond me, His grace abounds and His love is steadfast.



Will you pray with me for this family, that they would come to know Jesus and receive new life in Him? Amen.

"All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies." Psalm 25:10

Love will always find the open door

"Come, see a Man who told me all things that I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" John 4:29



Jesus tells us exactly who we are and we rejoice because of who He is...He is the one who is able to cover all our sins and we do not need to fear who we are when He comes to us, instead we rejoice and worship Him.



Tonight we went on outreach and there was a slight difference to what we were saying to the women and men we met..."we are here to reach out to men and women who are in the game" ...that one phrase let them know that we knew who they were, we didn't just happen to see them on street or think they were there for some other reason and we were going to offer them something real.



We met a lot of girls tonight, many didn't give us their names, some were very straightforward about wanting nothing to do with us, but many received our gifts, talked with us and prayed with us and there was a marked difference in their countenance when they realized why we were there. I'll tell you about just a few of them...



K***** we drove around and around to finally catch up to this girl, we would see her, turn around and she would all of a sudden be on the other side of the street, once she disappeared completely with a trick and then she was there again. At first she seemed like she was just going to walk quickly by us but when I offered her a gift she stopped cold and her face changed completely, I could see the heartbreak in her face, she immediately asked me my name which may not seem like a big deal but it was a wall coming down...not just us trying to connect with her but her connecting with us. She wanted us to pray for her but not there, so we prayed as she left.



Next we saw S**** and she was sweet but probably new to the game and was quickly joined by her friend who was not happy that she was talking to us, however; when her friend approached us and found out who we were she became very attentive and as a third girl approached she said, "so we can call you if we want to get out of this life?" yes!!! We gave them all gifts and our phone number.



S***** and C***** were together and were obviously being watched by a guy who stood nearby, so Daryl went to talk to the guy and give him a pimp track while Jen and I approached the girls. The one girl thought we were cops and pretended to be looking for the bus but when she saw us engage the other girl she came back and they both opened up to us, they wanted out and C***** especially was brokenhearted because her son had just been taken away by CPS, she began to cry and both were eager to receive prayer right then and there.



G***, when we told her we were there for men and women in the game she said, "that's me"...I really don't know if I've seen so many honest reactions in one night but it really seemed that our honesty and willingness to seek them out gave them the freedom to be honest with us.



I am so thankful that Jesus loves us based on who He is, not who we are and I am privileged to share that love with others. Praise Him for an awesome night!

Christmas in Cambodia

As many of you know the Lord opened the doors for me to go to Cambodia the summer of 2009. I was accompanied by Jacqueline, one of the most remarkable young women I know, she was then entering the 8th grade and a student of mine (her family attends CCTO and we have been friends since I moved here) and is now a 9th grader at a local high school.

Ok, why the recap? Since we made our visit we have both longed to return...Jacqueline and many others had hoped we would return this summer but I never had a peace about it and asked her to continue to pray and to pray about the possibilty of going during our Christmas break. I really still wasn't sure about the timing but just wanted to keep praying towards the next available time... about a week before school started I had a peace and felt the Lord's leading for Christmas time. We sought those in authority over us to see what they had to say about the plan and got a green light all around. I have to say, the work God has done in Jacqueline's parents' heart is pretty remarkable...her mom's response to her initial desire to go was, "Is God in Cambodia? Then she can go..." I know it took a lot of faith for her to say that and it was breathtaking to watch her live that out as God sent us. Nonetheless the nerves were there and they went from tentative (though trusting) as we prepared for our first trip to asking "when are you going next?" I know they (we!) saw the power of God as He opened doors for us, provided beyond our needs and kept us as we went.

So, it is September 9th and our proposed departure date is December 16th (or 17th)...that is three months from now, not a lot of time...but plenty of time for God. We are praying first for vision, provision, protection physically but also of that time, for our families (who we know are sacrificing A LOT to let us go this holiday season), for others here who might share our same heart and want to be a part of this trip in some way.

I have been praying about how to bless the kids at the orphanage this Christmas...it seems like a daunting task for just the two of us, but I am sure God will provide and excited to see what He will do.

If you have read this, will you pray for us now? If you have questions feel free to email me anytime.

In His faithful grip...

"The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy O Lord, endures forever; do not forsake the work of Your hands." Psalm 138:*

Labor Day

Sunset at Huntington Beach , pictures with my sister and my niece (can you guess which one she took?), and the promised pictures of the Rufus...it is not easy to take photos with a dog who is on the ground...thus the random photo of just my face :P

What Day Is It?

Today I showed up to my doctor's appointment a week early... in my defense the receptionist called me last week to ask if I could come early to my appt. on "Tuesday" but she meant NEXT Tuesday, which is also what my appt. card SAID :P ...

Last week I wrote the date as 8/32....ummm....yeah or September 1st, I didn't even realize it til' I went back to look over the journal

Needless to say, I am very thankful for God's grace in my "duh" moments...

Craigslist "Adult Services" shut down

http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/09/04/craigslist-shuts-adult-services-section/

This is awesome! Praise Jesus!

Headaches, first day of school, roommates and other things joyful...

Hey All,

I cannot tell you the difference I feel going into my third year of teaching, there is a peace...a weight lifted. I would love to tell you it's because I have everything down and it's all easy breezy from here and in some ways there is truth to that...but I know that this lightness comes from the joy of Jesus and nowhere else. This summer God did a work in my heart that brought a freedom and a joy like never before... I cannot stop smiling! Along the way there have been glimpses of this freedom, but He really put His finger on some areas of bondage this summer and by His Word and His Spirit... set me free of those things. I have known what is to be saved, I have known what it is to be loved by my Creator but this is so different. I knew there was a heaviness the last few years, but I didn't understand it and certainly didn't know how to be free of it. It is so hard to look at our weaknesses, we want to perfectly love our Jesus as He has loved us...but in my weakness He is made strong and allowing Him into those deep places has only deepened the love I have for my Savior.

As you may have previously read my new roommates moved in....oh my goodness! Whenever Melissa and Gwen come home I hear "where's Jen? where's Jen?" oh how happy! I am so excited to have a family at home and so thankful that we are going to get to be a part of each other's lives for this season.

Headaches....hmmmm....what to say really? I think my longest stretch migraine free has been 5 days...5 glorious days....here's to hoping for six! I am really thankful for even the short stretches and amazed at how God takes care of everything regardless. He has displayed His love for me so richly in this mild area of suffering, I rejoice because it brings me even a fraction of a step closer to Him.

What a sweet, sweet time... I find God drawing me in deeper, stripping the distractions and calling me to learn more of Him, trust Him more, rest in Him. I know it's sounds silly, especially compared to the great saints who lived so modestly and gave so much... but I am trying to not take my computer home, so I have more time for Jesus and the precious ones He has blessed my life with. I deleted my facebook for now, I am so "all or nothing" and would find myself consumed in it and just wasting time away. I would have a conversation with someone and there was no need to catch up because we had read each other's facebook....ok, big deal but I think it hinders our vulnerability in a sense, we feel no need to go deeper when we've had a "status update" we can just leave it at that, knowing "enough". I am really praying that cutting out some distractions will take me deeper with my Jesus and deeper with others.

I love being back at school, I love watching my kids grow up and connecting with them. They are so funny and always keep me on my toes. I love seeing my first, now second graders as they come out of school while I faithfully do my "door duty", their silly ways and gentle hugs fill my heart. I love doing math "magic", discussing creation and evolution, rejoicing with my students when things suddenly "click". I LOVE that our third day of school is "beach day"!


I love that this blog has no organization and is just a bunch of random wonderfulness :)
Thanks for reading! If you want to leave a prayer request....I'd love to pray for you or you can email me.

Here is the scripture our summer Bible study was based on, God gave me this scripture about 4 years ago during what is probably the most difficult time of my life to date...I had no idea what it would mean to me today but I have seen it fulfilled in my life and in the lives of others and I am filled with praise...."The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. And they shall rebuild the old ruins, They shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the ruined cities, the desolations of many generations." Isaiah 61:1-4