Yesterday was my last day at Camp 13, the women's prison where I've been serving for over 4 years. As I looked around the table at the faithful women who were there and those who were new and hungry for God's Word, my heart was aching to think I wouldn't be with them for awhile, some of them not til we reach heaven. It has been such an incredible blessing to be a part of the lives of the women coming in and out of prison and to see the Lord so often completely renew their hearts during that time. I am really going to miss my time there yet I am confident that God is moving me into a new season and is asking me to slowly let go of certain things and trust Him for the next step. I have ideas about what will be next but really I feel pretty clueless...just sort of a restlessness that says to me, "start moving and I will show you..."
Not that God always works the same way but at almost every major turning point in my life, things have moved really quickly...I will be moving in one direction, my heart is stirred and sometimes within in a few weeks my whole world is turned upside down....in a good way :)
Not a lot of things make sense right now...well, they hardly ever do! I love my roommates but none of us are committed to stay and if we do our rent is going to raise and we may have to commit to something that our hearts are not releasing us to. But if we don't do that....what do we do? I'm so thankful that Jesus knows! Seriously every time things start falling into place...there is a new variable, a new area where I can learn to trust Jesus even more. I am more and more convinced that this earth is not my home...the longing is for a heavenly place and the uncertainty of life only further cements that desire.
oh!...what's with the title? I was thinking about the "American Dream" yesterday and how I've never really longed for it and because I often don't think so straight "white house and picket fence" came to mind. Alright, scratch that...I longed for only the American dream to the detail until I got to college. I grew up with plans to go to medical school, after that get married, have a family and buy myself and all the rest of my family a nice house with all the money I was making:) When I came to the Lord in high school my relationship with him was still pretty shallow...I knew God loved me and was VERY excited about that, but that's basically where it ended. When I got to college I was challenged to make Jesus Lord of my life...obeying in that decision has radically changed my life forever. I soon knew that medical school was not for me and after going overseas for 5 weeks one summer I began to feel that I may never really feel "at home" anywhere except... everywhere??? Every country I went to....I fell in love and wanted to stay forever....God had changed my heart and given me a heart to follow Him wherever. I remember telling my family that a house with a picket fence wasn't my desire and probably wouldn't happen, they, not understanding my heart fully, would say, "oh hunny, you will have one!" My family thought that I had simply given up on my dreams, when in reality I had embraced even greater dreams...God has taken me to places I never dreamed of going, He's allowed me to be a part of His work in some of the darkest places, He's grown my faith as He has provided at every step and worked ALL things to good.
I'm not saying I'm opposed to white picket fences, if someone gives me one...I might take it! But I sort of hope it's either in a jungle or maybe in the middle of a bustling Metropolis. Although I long for a family of my own, I'm thankful for all the family He has given me and I am learning to trust more and more with each decision that He knows my desires and has good plans. The beauty of walking with Jesus is it really is an adventure, I never know what He's going to do next, but I know He will remain the same. Yesterday I was teaching in Mark 1 and we were talking about the Kingdom of God, there are two parts to receiving it Jesus says, one is repenting, the other is you must believe "in" the gospel, this is different than just believing it...you must trust what it says, that God is who claims to be and that His Word is true.
At the end... I hope to have more of Him and to receive with open hands whatever He brings my way...even white houses and picket fences.
"These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on this earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city." Hebrews 11:13-16
No comments:
Post a Comment