As I'm on the cusp of another major life change (career, home, church) my emotions have been all over the place. Here's how God has encouraged me this week....
"Thus says the Lord: keep your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears for there is a reward for your work, declares the Lord....there is a hope for your future..." Jeremiah31:16
"If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of the streets to dwell in." Isaiah 58:10-12
"These all died in faith, not having received the things promised but having seen them and greeted them from afar and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had an opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better a country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city." Hebrews 11:13-16
"The heart of man plans his way but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
When My Father Comes... After Hours Ministry Update
Last Friday night we met a young woman, A. We spoke with A for some length of
time. She seemed really open and shared quite a bit about herself. We asked her
if she wanted prayer and she asked that we would pray for her father to be
released from prison. She went on to explain that she felt unprotected and alone
without him and that she believed her life would significantly change when he
was able to care for and protect her. She believed the answer to her leaving the
life of prostitution was to have her father back in her life. As I was listening
I heard the Lord say, “tell her I am”. Over and over I kept hearing that and
knew I had to tell her that all the things she hoped her earthly father to be,
her heavenly was and more.
By the grace of God I was able to speak this truth to her and in the moment she seemed to respond. She went from saying “if” and “when” to “now”. I told her that her heavenly Father was able to deliver her now and perhaps we were sent just for that reason.
This interaction with A spoke volumes to my heart. How often do we say to ourselves “I will do this or that…if and when” when God is already there, ready to deliver us. We look to the things of this world, to other people to take a role that was meant for God alone. We will always come up short when we seek to fill God’s position with another. And yet, when God takes this rightful position we are free to be in a right relationship with others and the world around us.
“A” did leave the street that night, whether out of faith (that God had come to deliver her) or fear (of her current circumstances)… I don’t really know. What I do know is God met us there and will continue to do so. God knows the depths of our hearts and speaks straight to them. God comforts us, guides us, assures us, provides for us, and desires to be our all and the choice is ours. In the last few days as I have interacted with A, I can sense the battle taking place within her. To choose to be free is to choose to walk by faith, faith in a God who is not necessarily tangible (though even our presence on Friday night challenges that idea) and may even seem distant in light of her current circumstances, or to continue on bound up in chains always waiting for “if” or “when”.
Please pray for A to choose life. Pray that she will know God as God is, our gracious and merciful Father who longs to restore us. Jesus, who has come and made a way for us out of bondage and into everlasting life. May her image of an earthly father be changed and replaced by the gentle, yet firm love and faithfulness of our heavenly Father.
“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father. The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs–heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:15-18
By the grace of God I was able to speak this truth to her and in the moment she seemed to respond. She went from saying “if” and “when” to “now”. I told her that her heavenly Father was able to deliver her now and perhaps we were sent just for that reason.
This interaction with A spoke volumes to my heart. How often do we say to ourselves “I will do this or that…if and when” when God is already there, ready to deliver us. We look to the things of this world, to other people to take a role that was meant for God alone. We will always come up short when we seek to fill God’s position with another. And yet, when God takes this rightful position we are free to be in a right relationship with others and the world around us.
“A” did leave the street that night, whether out of faith (that God had come to deliver her) or fear (of her current circumstances)… I don’t really know. What I do know is God met us there and will continue to do so. God knows the depths of our hearts and speaks straight to them. God comforts us, guides us, assures us, provides for us, and desires to be our all and the choice is ours. In the last few days as I have interacted with A, I can sense the battle taking place within her. To choose to be free is to choose to walk by faith, faith in a God who is not necessarily tangible (though even our presence on Friday night challenges that idea) and may even seem distant in light of her current circumstances, or to continue on bound up in chains always waiting for “if” or “when”.
Please pray for A to choose life. Pray that she will know God as God is, our gracious and merciful Father who longs to restore us. Jesus, who has come and made a way for us out of bondage and into everlasting life. May her image of an earthly father be changed and replaced by the gentle, yet firm love and faithfulness of our heavenly Father.
“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father. The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs–heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:15-18
Friday, April 13, 2012
Always a bridesmaid
In honor of my 9th debut as a bridesmaid this weekend...
This phrase, surprisingly, was used to sell Listerine mouthwash! To promote their product, the manufacturers of Listerine employed the personal experience of girls at the time, who desperately wanted to settle down but seemed always to be left on the shelf. First used in the 1920’s, it portrays a situation and a possible explanation for the lack of success these girls had. Here is the transcript of the ad:
Poor Edna was getting on for thirty and most of her girlfriends were either already married, or about to tie the knot. How she wished that, instead of being their bridesmaid, she could be the bride! However, any romance of hers invariably ended quickly. There was a reason. Unbeknownst to her, she suffered from bad breath and no one would tell her, not ever her closest friends. The advertisement sold millions of bottles of mouthwash and also gave the English language a new saying!
This phrase, surprisingly, was used to sell Listerine mouthwash! To promote their product, the manufacturers of Listerine employed the personal experience of girls at the time, who desperately wanted to settle down but seemed always to be left on the shelf. First used in the 1920’s, it portrays a situation and a possible explanation for the lack of success these girls had. Here is the transcript of the ad:
Sunday, April 01, 2012
Scaling Walls
Since I was a teenager there a few things that have been consistent prayers of mine. That I would have the privilege of worshipping Jesus with my family and that God would bridge the gap between my heart and theirs after years of feeling disconnected.
My parents have been married for 26 years (my Dad to my stepmom and mom to my stepdad) both remarried the same year after divorcing when I was two years old. Over the years I saw my dad and stepmom less and less and began to question whether they really loved me and in time believed that they didn't and began to close off my heart to them.
I know now that my parents do love me... I can see it in my Dad's eyes when he looks at me and sometimes tears up, I can see it in the thoughtful gifts my stepmom so generously gives me. I don't pretend to understand what it was like to be in their shoes, to have had to make the choices they did or endure the emotional scars they did. I really believe they did their best and I have only to be grateful for that. But with that comes my own set of emotional scars and my choices in dealing with them.
For years now my Dad has been consistent in my life and yet it's often me that keeps him at a distance. When he first approached my sister and I about wanting another chance at relationship, asking for forgiveness for his absence, I only responded in anger. Years of feeling abandoned and neglected gave rise to feelings of bitterness and sorrow and truth be told I wanted nothing to do with him, I wanted him further away if anything. It was right around this time that I gave my life to Christ and as I grew in my relationship with Him, I learned of true forgiveness and began to see that He not only forgave me but that by His spirit I could offer this gift to others. And so began my journey of forgiving my Dad. I say journey because its not something you do once, forgiveness takes place everytime the wound is opened again. Everytime you look back and remember the pain, you have to choose to forgive, just as we choose to love.
And yet, 10 years later there was still a disconnect. Maybe it's because there wasn't that time of bonding when I was very young and maybe that's not something you can recreate... I don't know. What I do know is I began begging God to remove it, to take down the wall between us and build a relationship with my Dad and stepmom. I never could have imagined how He would answer...in the last year both my Dad and stepmom have been diagnosed with cancer. My stepmom underwent surgery and is now cancer free while my Dad is just days away from major surgery and likely to undergo further treatment from there. The realization that I could lose one of my parents hit hard... especially in light of the disconnect. I knew I didn't want to miss it. I didn't want to miss one second of the time we had left together. My stepmom and I began to bond over my new found hobby of knitting (a long time hobby for her), finally having found common ground we were able to share more than just stitch patterns but pieces of our heart as well.We all spent Christmas morning in worship together, God was answering my prayers above and beyond and through the most unlikely circumstances. Our family began to walk through the joys and trials of life together, as a family, for the first time.
......
It's now two weeks after my Dad's surgery and its been a hard road. I don't know what I had imagined in my head, but I had no idea it would be like this. My Dad hasn't recovered as well or as quickly as we had hoped. There have been several long nights at the hospital, worried phone calls and a lot of tears. What I didn't expect was for the distance to creep back in, I didn't expect it ever really...certainly not now when my family needs me most. But I have found myself dreading the hospital visits and having to force affection with my parents and once again begging God to bridge the gap.
Through tears I shared my struggle with a friend, explaining my confusion at the change in my emotions. Why hadn't this trial brought us even closer? And as any good friend would do she spoke a hard truth to me...maybe it had and in fear of losing what I so desparately longed for I began to rebuild the walls of separation. Watching my Dad stir in and out of consciousness with a breathing tube in for the first few days terrified me.Would God really take him when our family was just beginning to be a family? What else could I do but distance myself again to relieve the pain?
You hear it often said that love is a choice, its times like these when my own heart begs me to run that I have to choose to stay, to love despite the risk. Love is not about a feeling but choosing to love despite our feelings. And so now my prayer is for a steadfast heart, one that is immoveable and sure. One that others can trust regardless of the circumstances. A heart that loves without barriers or conditions. that courageously scales the walls of my heart rather than building them higher. A heart like the One who began forming this new heart in me years ago when I first cried out to Him for healing, a heart like Jesus.
"Then I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within them, and take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh..." Ezekiel 11:19
My parents have been married for 26 years (my Dad to my stepmom and mom to my stepdad) both remarried the same year after divorcing when I was two years old. Over the years I saw my dad and stepmom less and less and began to question whether they really loved me and in time believed that they didn't and began to close off my heart to them.
I know now that my parents do love me... I can see it in my Dad's eyes when he looks at me and sometimes tears up, I can see it in the thoughtful gifts my stepmom so generously gives me. I don't pretend to understand what it was like to be in their shoes, to have had to make the choices they did or endure the emotional scars they did. I really believe they did their best and I have only to be grateful for that. But with that comes my own set of emotional scars and my choices in dealing with them.
For years now my Dad has been consistent in my life and yet it's often me that keeps him at a distance. When he first approached my sister and I about wanting another chance at relationship, asking for forgiveness for his absence, I only responded in anger. Years of feeling abandoned and neglected gave rise to feelings of bitterness and sorrow and truth be told I wanted nothing to do with him, I wanted him further away if anything. It was right around this time that I gave my life to Christ and as I grew in my relationship with Him, I learned of true forgiveness and began to see that He not only forgave me but that by His spirit I could offer this gift to others. And so began my journey of forgiving my Dad. I say journey because its not something you do once, forgiveness takes place everytime the wound is opened again. Everytime you look back and remember the pain, you have to choose to forgive, just as we choose to love.
And yet, 10 years later there was still a disconnect. Maybe it's because there wasn't that time of bonding when I was very young and maybe that's not something you can recreate... I don't know. What I do know is I began begging God to remove it, to take down the wall between us and build a relationship with my Dad and stepmom. I never could have imagined how He would answer...in the last year both my Dad and stepmom have been diagnosed with cancer. My stepmom underwent surgery and is now cancer free while my Dad is just days away from major surgery and likely to undergo further treatment from there. The realization that I could lose one of my parents hit hard... especially in light of the disconnect. I knew I didn't want to miss it. I didn't want to miss one second of the time we had left together. My stepmom and I began to bond over my new found hobby of knitting (a long time hobby for her), finally having found common ground we were able to share more than just stitch patterns but pieces of our heart as well.We all spent Christmas morning in worship together, God was answering my prayers above and beyond and through the most unlikely circumstances. Our family began to walk through the joys and trials of life together, as a family, for the first time.
......
It's now two weeks after my Dad's surgery and its been a hard road. I don't know what I had imagined in my head, but I had no idea it would be like this. My Dad hasn't recovered as well or as quickly as we had hoped. There have been several long nights at the hospital, worried phone calls and a lot of tears. What I didn't expect was for the distance to creep back in, I didn't expect it ever really...certainly not now when my family needs me most. But I have found myself dreading the hospital visits and having to force affection with my parents and once again begging God to bridge the gap.
Through tears I shared my struggle with a friend, explaining my confusion at the change in my emotions. Why hadn't this trial brought us even closer? And as any good friend would do she spoke a hard truth to me...maybe it had and in fear of losing what I so desparately longed for I began to rebuild the walls of separation. Watching my Dad stir in and out of consciousness with a breathing tube in for the first few days terrified me.Would God really take him when our family was just beginning to be a family? What else could I do but distance myself again to relieve the pain?
You hear it often said that love is a choice, its times like these when my own heart begs me to run that I have to choose to stay, to love despite the risk. Love is not about a feeling but choosing to love despite our feelings. And so now my prayer is for a steadfast heart, one that is immoveable and sure. One that others can trust regardless of the circumstances. A heart that loves without barriers or conditions. that courageously scales the walls of my heart rather than building them higher. A heart like the One who began forming this new heart in me years ago when I first cried out to Him for healing, a heart like Jesus.
"Then I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within them, and take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh..." Ezekiel 11:19
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
The words we sing
"And I'll stand with arms high and heart abondoned, in awe of the one who made it all. I'll stand my sould Lord to You surrended, All I am is yours..."
Every once in awhile in the middle of singing a worship song I realize I can't honestly sing the words of the song or it doesn't really accurately describe my relationship to Jesus. I was singing the above earlier tonight and thought "all I am is yours...should I really be singing that?"
No, its not the idea of giving my all to Jesus that stops me in my tracks, I would be a fool to give anything less. Rather, it's the idea that He would receive all of me, "ALL I am is yours" for that I can feel nothing but deep sorrow and remorse at the offering I have to give.
There's a passage in Romans 1 that talks about God giving over unbelievers to their desire, read this list with me..."being filled with unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful..." such were "they" whom God gave over to their debased minds". How close am I to becoming the "they"? What separates me from "them"? I have been all those things some... even today. And yet, I have received the mercy of God AND He has received me. Not because I am like Him (though made in His image as we all are) but because that is who He is, He is love, He is mercy and truth, He is kindness... He is everything that I am not. Because I have recognized who He is and who I am not, because I have worshipped the Creator, not the creature (though this not even fully as I am daily tempted to turn my gaze elsewhere).
Do you ever think about the fruits of the spirit(qualities opposite of those listed above)? How things like joy, kindness and steadfastness are supernatural?! It's not in my flesh to be good or patient or have self control, these are supernatural works of the Holy Spirit. Not only has God received me just as I am but He is willing and able to display these fruits in my life. He is willing...but am I?
Were it dependent upon the depths of my own heart hopelessness would reign... but in light of the truth of the gospel, because of who God is I have a hope that is greater than any earthly thing, a hope that cannot be extinguished by my own failure, a hope that will remain even as my faith falters. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus has given His life for mine. Jesus has received me, all of me and there was never anything I could do to deserve it.
And so I'll sing loudly, with great joy...with great hope...."I'll stand (God help me stand for You) with arms high and heart abondoned in AWE of the One who gave it all, I'll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered (God help me surrender) all I am is Yours (Jesus make my life an offering pleasing to you)."
Every once in awhile in the middle of singing a worship song I realize I can't honestly sing the words of the song or it doesn't really accurately describe my relationship to Jesus. I was singing the above earlier tonight and thought "all I am is yours...should I really be singing that?"
No, its not the idea of giving my all to Jesus that stops me in my tracks, I would be a fool to give anything less. Rather, it's the idea that He would receive all of me, "ALL I am is yours" for that I can feel nothing but deep sorrow and remorse at the offering I have to give.
There's a passage in Romans 1 that talks about God giving over unbelievers to their desire, read this list with me..."being filled with unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful..." such were "they" whom God gave over to their debased minds". How close am I to becoming the "they"? What separates me from "them"? I have been all those things some... even today. And yet, I have received the mercy of God AND He has received me. Not because I am like Him (though made in His image as we all are) but because that is who He is, He is love, He is mercy and truth, He is kindness... He is everything that I am not. Because I have recognized who He is and who I am not, because I have worshipped the Creator, not the creature (though this not even fully as I am daily tempted to turn my gaze elsewhere).
Do you ever think about the fruits of the spirit(qualities opposite of those listed above)? How things like joy, kindness and steadfastness are supernatural?! It's not in my flesh to be good or patient or have self control, these are supernatural works of the Holy Spirit. Not only has God received me just as I am but He is willing and able to display these fruits in my life. He is willing...but am I?
Were it dependent upon the depths of my own heart hopelessness would reign... but in light of the truth of the gospel, because of who God is I have a hope that is greater than any earthly thing, a hope that cannot be extinguished by my own failure, a hope that will remain even as my faith falters. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus has given His life for mine. Jesus has received me, all of me and there was never anything I could do to deserve it.
And so I'll sing loudly, with great joy...with great hope...."I'll stand (God help me stand for You) with arms high and heart abondoned in AWE of the One who gave it all, I'll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered (God help me surrender) all I am is Yours (Jesus make my life an offering pleasing to you)."
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Photography
So...I have this fancy (ok, not really at all) little app on my phone called Instagram and I am obsessed! I search for things to photogaph and try to set the scene and I am so delighted when I find just the right lighting! Though I know it sounds crazy and all you professionals are thinking "she has no idea what she's talking about" and you're right...I really want to know! Anyone have any idea how I can learn? I can't go to school full-time or anything but some night classes would be perfect. Let me know if you have any info....
Whose faith is it anyways?
You'll be glad to know I'm just one chapter away from finishing "Within A Yard of Hell" and will move onto new topics soon ;)
That being said, this part of the story caused me to take a step back and look at the role my faith has in the redemption of the women we reach out to..."She had tried to believe that God would deliver Ronald in answer to her prayers, but if it was impossible for Ronald to have an experience of God now*... The clear, expressive voice of Sister Gemmel broke gently in on her grief. 'But my dear, who says it is impossible? Jesus said that with God all things are possible...' Joyce's attention was arrested. 'I'm so sorry my dear, you feel it all so hopeless. I promise you it isn't, though I know its hard for you to realize it at the moment. You are right in what you believe. As I told your husband, the new life in Christ Jesus is the only permanent release to the alcoholic. You and I both believe that. We know it's true, so we must hold on for him. After all, when the four men brought their friend to Jesus and let him down through the roof, it was their faith the Lord marvelled at--we do not read that the man himself had any faith."
So often I pray for the faith of these women to be great that they might be free when perhaps I should have been praying for my own faith to increase on their behalf. The faith to believe that God is able and wiling to pull them out of the depths and draw them unconditionally unto Himself, into the fullness of His grace and mercy.
Lord, I ask that you would increase my faith, that I would "really believe all things are possible with God-with no 'buts'"
*joyce had been told by a Christian Psychologist that her husband would be unable to experience God as an alcholic and she began to believe her....praise God she was wrong.
That being said, this part of the story caused me to take a step back and look at the role my faith has in the redemption of the women we reach out to..."She had tried to believe that God would deliver Ronald in answer to her prayers, but if it was impossible for Ronald to have an experience of God now*... The clear, expressive voice of Sister Gemmel broke gently in on her grief. 'But my dear, who says it is impossible? Jesus said that with God all things are possible...' Joyce's attention was arrested. 'I'm so sorry my dear, you feel it all so hopeless. I promise you it isn't, though I know its hard for you to realize it at the moment. You are right in what you believe. As I told your husband, the new life in Christ Jesus is the only permanent release to the alcoholic. You and I both believe that. We know it's true, so we must hold on for him. After all, when the four men brought their friend to Jesus and let him down through the roof, it was their faith the Lord marvelled at--we do not read that the man himself had any faith."
So often I pray for the faith of these women to be great that they might be free when perhaps I should have been praying for my own faith to increase on their behalf. The faith to believe that God is able and wiling to pull them out of the depths and draw them unconditionally unto Himself, into the fullness of His grace and mercy.
Lord, I ask that you would increase my faith, that I would "really believe all things are possible with God-with no 'buts'"
*joyce had been told by a Christian Psychologist that her husband would be unable to experience God as an alcholic and she began to believe her....praise God she was wrong.
12 Resolutions for 2012
1) brush and floss AND use that flouride rinse my dentist is alway telling me about so I don't have to hear "you have the cleanest mouth I've ever seen but you have another cavity" at the end of the year again :/
2) )love unconditionally and without restraint
3) take God at His word and stop trying to do things on my own, "move man through God by prayer alone". Thanks Hudson Taylor.
4)stretch before I exercise...maybe even afterwards too
5)read books about those who have gone before
6)read my Bible daily
7)seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness
8)work on my new skillz... knitting, photography, tech deck skillz, shuffling skillz...
9)spend more time with my family
10) take risks
11)worry less about what others think and more about what God thinks
12)write more
13) (oh, I know I said there would only be 12 but considering #12....) eat more vegetables (just seems like a good idea)
2) )love unconditionally and without restraint
3) take God at His word and stop trying to do things on my own, "move man through God by prayer alone". Thanks Hudson Taylor.
4)stretch before I exercise...maybe even afterwards too
5)read books about those who have gone before
6)read my Bible daily
7)seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness
8)work on my new skillz... knitting, photography, tech deck skillz, shuffling skillz...
9)spend more time with my family
10) take risks
11)worry less about what others think and more about what God thinks
12)write more
13) (oh, I know I said there would only be 12 but considering #12....) eat more vegetables (just seems like a good idea)
Within a Yard of Hell
"Some wish to live within the sound of a church or chapel bell, I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell." C.T. Studd
Though not the most admired man in the history of missions as far as his interpersonal skills go, C.T. Studd took great leaps of faith to reach the lost in places where others would scarcely dare to go.
"Oh come let us go and find them, in the paths of death they roam, at the close of the day 'twil be sweet to say, I have brought some lost one home." This is taken from an old Hymn and quoted in an old missionary biography, the story of Doreen Gemmel a woman from high society who moved to the slums to pursue God and His people...within a yard of hell. Her stories are much like ours, the same women coming and going, sometimes wondering if you will ever see them again, wondering if lasting change is really possible. Plodding away in the field her entire life in the hopes that just one would know her Savior and His redeeming power in her life.
No one is further from God than the next, we are all level at the cross. But it sometimes seems impossible that one of these dear ones would leave behind the only life they've ever known to embrace what promises to be the fullness of life. I do believe that our God is the God of the impossible. He takes what our finite minds and faith could never dream to be possible and brings it to pass with the sweep of His hand in a fashion that we could never imagine.
As we see some of the same faces week after week with little change of circumstance or heart, I find myself wondering if there ever will be. I don't have an answer for that... some may choose Christ in this season, some may on their last day... others never will.
Recently we rejoiced as one of the women made the choice to leave the game and entered a local Christian safe house. What seemed impossible had come to fruition in front of our very eyes. It seems just as the idea settled in I received a call from this same woman that she had left the home. As I scrambled to find her and a new home for her, she disappeared again. I spent the day agonizing in prayer and aimless pacing. I fear greatly for her safety and her soul yet I have to trust our God. I have to trust that He sees her just as He did an outcast Hagar, that He knows her faults and frailties and that He will be faithful even when we are faithless.
As I teach classes for AHM I give statistics such as "a girl will try leave the game on average of 8 times before she gets out for good" yet I can barely fathom having the depth of love to pursue or even welcome one in after 8 times. Yet this is the heart of our God as displayed in His endless pursuit of us, as He called Hosea to receive Gomer as his bride even after countless acts of unfaithfulness. No, I'll never be able to do it...but the Lord will, and if I choose I may be the vessel through which His faithful arm of salvation extends to the very depths to rescue even just one...
"Therefore, behold I will hedge up your way with thorns, and wall her in, so that she cannot find her paths. She will chase her lovers, but not overtake them; yes she will seek them, but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go and return to my first husband, for then it was better for me than now.' For she did not know that I gave her grain, new wine and oil, and multiplied her silver and gold...Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness and speak comfort to her.I will give her her vineyards from there and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, As in the day when she came up form the land of Egypt. And it shall be, in that day, says the Lord, that you will call Me 'My Husband' and no longer call me 'My Master'"
Hosea 2. This....is our God.
Though not the most admired man in the history of missions as far as his interpersonal skills go, C.T. Studd took great leaps of faith to reach the lost in places where others would scarcely dare to go.
"Oh come let us go and find them, in the paths of death they roam, at the close of the day 'twil be sweet to say, I have brought some lost one home." This is taken from an old Hymn and quoted in an old missionary biography, the story of Doreen Gemmel a woman from high society who moved to the slums to pursue God and His people...within a yard of hell. Her stories are much like ours, the same women coming and going, sometimes wondering if you will ever see them again, wondering if lasting change is really possible. Plodding away in the field her entire life in the hopes that just one would know her Savior and His redeeming power in her life.
No one is further from God than the next, we are all level at the cross. But it sometimes seems impossible that one of these dear ones would leave behind the only life they've ever known to embrace what promises to be the fullness of life. I do believe that our God is the God of the impossible. He takes what our finite minds and faith could never dream to be possible and brings it to pass with the sweep of His hand in a fashion that we could never imagine.
As we see some of the same faces week after week with little change of circumstance or heart, I find myself wondering if there ever will be. I don't have an answer for that... some may choose Christ in this season, some may on their last day... others never will.
Recently we rejoiced as one of the women made the choice to leave the game and entered a local Christian safe house. What seemed impossible had come to fruition in front of our very eyes. It seems just as the idea settled in I received a call from this same woman that she had left the home. As I scrambled to find her and a new home for her, she disappeared again. I spent the day agonizing in prayer and aimless pacing. I fear greatly for her safety and her soul yet I have to trust our God. I have to trust that He sees her just as He did an outcast Hagar, that He knows her faults and frailties and that He will be faithful even when we are faithless.
As I teach classes for AHM I give statistics such as "a girl will try leave the game on average of 8 times before she gets out for good" yet I can barely fathom having the depth of love to pursue or even welcome one in after 8 times. Yet this is the heart of our God as displayed in His endless pursuit of us, as He called Hosea to receive Gomer as his bride even after countless acts of unfaithfulness. No, I'll never be able to do it...but the Lord will, and if I choose I may be the vessel through which His faithful arm of salvation extends to the very depths to rescue even just one...
"Therefore, behold I will hedge up your way with thorns, and wall her in, so that she cannot find her paths. She will chase her lovers, but not overtake them; yes she will seek them, but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go and return to my first husband, for then it was better for me than now.' For she did not know that I gave her grain, new wine and oil, and multiplied her silver and gold...Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness and speak comfort to her.I will give her her vineyards from there and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, As in the day when she came up form the land of Egypt. And it shall be, in that day, says the Lord, that you will call Me 'My Husband' and no longer call me 'My Master'"
Hosea 2. This....is our God.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
After Hours Outreach, December 23rd 2011
Surrounded by handmade scarves, gloves, baked goods and 8 faithful teammates I couldn't help but start off the night with a thankful heart for God's abundant provision.
We split into two teams and headed out to two different tracks.
Our team didn't even make it down half our track before the meet up time. There were a lot of women out and perhaps in the spirit of Christmas many of them were very receptive and even happy to meet us this cold winter night. We were able to spend some good time with several women hearing their stories, sharing of ours and how the love of God has made a difference, and praying over them.
One of the highlights of the night was running into J, a young woman we have met several times now who always remembers my name :). She is a beautiful girl, so full of life. The first time we met she was afraid that of what I might pray for her and it turned out with good reason. I prayed that God would get her off the streets and she was arrested soon after! She really didn't want me to pray the second time...but I did :) And again, yesterday, for her and the two women with her. One we have also met before and the other whom I had never seen was much more reserved, probably new to the game, feeling vulnerable and fearful but following the other girls lead allowing us into her world in a small way.
The women received the gifts and prayer and J even exchanged numbers with me so I could call her when we are out. Please pray for this young woman, that she would truly believe God and take Him at His word.
Praise God for providing in so many ways and continuing to bless us as we follow His call and by His grace bring light into the darkness and hope to the hopeless.
Merry Christmas!
We split into two teams and headed out to two different tracks.
Our team didn't even make it down half our track before the meet up time. There were a lot of women out and perhaps in the spirit of Christmas many of them were very receptive and even happy to meet us this cold winter night. We were able to spend some good time with several women hearing their stories, sharing of ours and how the love of God has made a difference, and praying over them.
One of the highlights of the night was running into J, a young woman we have met several times now who always remembers my name :). She is a beautiful girl, so full of life. The first time we met she was afraid that of what I might pray for her and it turned out with good reason. I prayed that God would get her off the streets and she was arrested soon after! She really didn't want me to pray the second time...but I did :) And again, yesterday, for her and the two women with her. One we have also met before and the other whom I had never seen was much more reserved, probably new to the game, feeling vulnerable and fearful but following the other girls lead allowing us into her world in a small way.
The women received the gifts and prayer and J even exchanged numbers with me so I could call her when we are out. Please pray for this young woman, that she would truly believe God and take Him at His word.
Praise God for providing in so many ways and continuing to bless us as we follow His call and by His grace bring light into the darkness and hope to the hopeless.
Merry Christmas!
A Year In Time....2011
"Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the valley of Baca, they make it a spring; the rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion." Psalm84:5-7
December 2010...
This time last year I was in Cambodia (barely...see last years posts) visiting one of my best friends Katherine and praying about whether or not there was a long-term future for me there. While I prayed diligently for this desire birthed by my love for K and the children at COH I knew in my spirit that God had a different plan. But I never could have imagined what would come next.
January...
I had been serving with After Hours Ministry for about three years, a response to a burden God had given me for women in prostitution years before. Upon my return from Cambodia the leaders of AHM told me that they would be stepping down and asked if I would take over. I can't say I was surpised, not because I was at all aware of the circumstances that led up to the decision but because God had prepared my heart. I knew I would be stepping into a greater role in the ministry I just didn't know how. So I was ready and one step of faith at a time moved forward into the clear calling to lead AHM.
March...
As I was pulling out of the parking lot at school one afternoon I saw that I had a message from my Dad. He was calling from home in the middle of the afternoon and asked that I call them (he and my stepmom) back as soon as possible. I knew something was wrong. It was the phone call I had been dreading. I don't know why, I guess it just comes with getting older but the last couple of years I've feared the loss of one of my parents in a way I hadn't before. My stepmom had cancer. It was in her uterus and they were going to be able to do surgery to remove the tumor. Though the prognosis was good, it changed things for me, for us as a family. It caused us to consider that we might not have tomorrow and to make the most of today. The day of the surgery came and we were all together and Grace (that's my stepmom) made it through with flying colors, cancer free!
July...
My sister is 22 months older than me and my best friend in the whole world. We have been through everything together. And though we didn't always get along (especially in the teen years) we have been there for each other through everything... the devasting times filled with middle of the night phone calls and unending tears and the joyful times of celebration and hope.
This July, my beautiful sister got married. A second marriage for both, they blended their families and my sister went from being a mom of one to a mom of three. I of course gained a beautiful niece and nephew and couldn't have been happier at the union.
September...
My sister delivered my nephew Noah (that makes four!) 6 weeks early. There are a few spectacular things about the coming of Noah into the world 1) I was there to witness his entrance, an absolutely incredible moment that I will always cherish 2) he was six weeks early! That is too early!
Noah spent the next 2 weeks in the NICU and our family took turns accompanying my sister to the hospital and helping with the kids. Then Noah came home! He is healthy and growing strong and we are so blessed by our newest addition! :)
November...
Remember that dreadful phone call? Imagine getting it twice in one year. This time it wasn't my Stepmom but my Dad. He went in to the ER for abdominal pain and long story short, discovered that he had a very rare form of pancreatic cancer. The next few weeks were filled with many emotions...there were so many unknowns and it was difficult not to think of the worst. I couldn't help thinking that our time might be short together and began to mourn the possibility of a future without my dad. Several tests and doctors visits later the doctors assured us that with treatment my Dad would most likely do quite well and have many years to come. With that news in mind we all took a big sigh of relief despite the fact that there are still many tests to be done and many more unknowns.
Not to go out of order but I'm reminded of a prayer I prayed regularly this last summer... "Lord, help me to love my family better". He often answers in the most unexpected ways, what I mean by that is He didn't simply change my heart in a moment so that I became more loving instead He took our family through times of heartache that we (I) might realize the incredible gift we have in one another and begin to truly cherish each moment which is a gift from above.
December...
God gave AHM an incredible Christmas gift... one of the women we had been praying for got out of the game and into a safe house. We are overwhelmed with thankfulness at the goodness and faithfulness of our God. Please keep M in your prayers and she begins her new life (see previous post "a story of hope" for more details)
And here we are, the end of another year. I have no idea what 2012 holds but I am ready with anticipation for the good plans the Lord has for me and I am filled to overflowing with thankfulness for all that He has done.
Looking to Him,
Jen
December 2010...
This time last year I was in Cambodia (barely...see last years posts) visiting one of my best friends Katherine and praying about whether or not there was a long-term future for me there. While I prayed diligently for this desire birthed by my love for K and the children at COH I knew in my spirit that God had a different plan. But I never could have imagined what would come next.
January...
I had been serving with After Hours Ministry for about three years, a response to a burden God had given me for women in prostitution years before. Upon my return from Cambodia the leaders of AHM told me that they would be stepping down and asked if I would take over. I can't say I was surpised, not because I was at all aware of the circumstances that led up to the decision but because God had prepared my heart. I knew I would be stepping into a greater role in the ministry I just didn't know how. So I was ready and one step of faith at a time moved forward into the clear calling to lead AHM.
March...
As I was pulling out of the parking lot at school one afternoon I saw that I had a message from my Dad. He was calling from home in the middle of the afternoon and asked that I call them (he and my stepmom) back as soon as possible. I knew something was wrong. It was the phone call I had been dreading. I don't know why, I guess it just comes with getting older but the last couple of years I've feared the loss of one of my parents in a way I hadn't before. My stepmom had cancer. It was in her uterus and they were going to be able to do surgery to remove the tumor. Though the prognosis was good, it changed things for me, for us as a family. It caused us to consider that we might not have tomorrow and to make the most of today. The day of the surgery came and we were all together and Grace (that's my stepmom) made it through with flying colors, cancer free!
July...
My sister is 22 months older than me and my best friend in the whole world. We have been through everything together. And though we didn't always get along (especially in the teen years) we have been there for each other through everything... the devasting times filled with middle of the night phone calls and unending tears and the joyful times of celebration and hope.
This July, my beautiful sister got married. A second marriage for both, they blended their families and my sister went from being a mom of one to a mom of three. I of course gained a beautiful niece and nephew and couldn't have been happier at the union.
September...
My sister delivered my nephew Noah (that makes four!) 6 weeks early. There are a few spectacular things about the coming of Noah into the world 1) I was there to witness his entrance, an absolutely incredible moment that I will always cherish 2) he was six weeks early! That is too early!
Noah spent the next 2 weeks in the NICU and our family took turns accompanying my sister to the hospital and helping with the kids. Then Noah came home! He is healthy and growing strong and we are so blessed by our newest addition! :)
November...
Remember that dreadful phone call? Imagine getting it twice in one year. This time it wasn't my Stepmom but my Dad. He went in to the ER for abdominal pain and long story short, discovered that he had a very rare form of pancreatic cancer. The next few weeks were filled with many emotions...there were so many unknowns and it was difficult not to think of the worst. I couldn't help thinking that our time might be short together and began to mourn the possibility of a future without my dad. Several tests and doctors visits later the doctors assured us that with treatment my Dad would most likely do quite well and have many years to come. With that news in mind we all took a big sigh of relief despite the fact that there are still many tests to be done and many more unknowns.
Not to go out of order but I'm reminded of a prayer I prayed regularly this last summer... "Lord, help me to love my family better". He often answers in the most unexpected ways, what I mean by that is He didn't simply change my heart in a moment so that I became more loving instead He took our family through times of heartache that we (I) might realize the incredible gift we have in one another and begin to truly cherish each moment which is a gift from above.
December...
God gave AHM an incredible Christmas gift... one of the women we had been praying for got out of the game and into a safe house. We are overwhelmed with thankfulness at the goodness and faithfulness of our God. Please keep M in your prayers and she begins her new life (see previous post "a story of hope" for more details)
And here we are, the end of another year. I have no idea what 2012 holds but I am ready with anticipation for the good plans the Lord has for me and I am filled to overflowing with thankfulness for all that He has done.
Looking to Him,
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